Confusion

I know I said I was taking a break, but I've done some thinking. I don't feel like I've done anything wrong where Charles is concerned. Yes, I know that I was the one who said we should go our separate ways because he wouldn't be able to see me, but that was not the reason he gave for not contacting me all week (and I guess I expected him to ask me not to leave him). He said that my weekend escapades "turned him off". Okay...but, I still don't understand why. Charles has always made a big point of being okay with my lifestyle (as evident here)and I have ALWAYS told him that if there was anything that he did not want me to do that I would be okay with that. He's never asked me not to see someone or not to do something. So, what gives? It can't just be this weekend, can it? Personally, I think it's a bunch of crock. I think that he never figured out how he was going to stay in touch and see me over the summer and he just used this weekend as an excuse. And, if that was the case, he could have just said that. I have always said that I understand that he does not have as much freedom as I do so I am willing to work with him. I just need him to tell me that he can't do something instead of telling me he'll 'find a way'.

There is a part of me that wants to call his wife up and tell her EVERYTHING. That's how hurt I am and we all know there is nothing like a woman scorned. I'm trying really hard to fight the urge. Hopefully, I can hold off. There really is nothing good that can come of it other than some slight satisfaction in being vengeful. I just hurt so bad...

On a different note (slightly), Jay has noticed how moody I've been yesterday and today. He left Charles a message yesterday about them meeting. When I found out, I told him that Charles had no interest in seeing me anymore so not to worry about. He finally asked what was going on. When I told him that Charles was upset about the weekend, he couldn't believe it. He felt like if anyone should have been upset, it was him. Charles is not romantically involved with Melanie. Her joining us was just a hope that we shared. Plus, like I said above, he has never had an issue with anything or anyone that I do. So, once again...it just doesn't make sense.

Hopefully, Charles will contact me and I can get some kind of resolution. I doubt if he will though. I get a feeling that this relationship will always be left with no closure (again, another first for me courtesy of Charles).

*sigh*