There Must Be Something Wrong With Me

The title says it all. That's what I keep thinking. I am STILL in love with Charles. I have no idea why. It makes no logical sense at all. But, I can't help it. I think about him all the time. I long to see him, to kiss him, to make love to him. I dreamed about him last night. I woke up with a smile on my face and an emptiness in my heart.

I talked to him for a few minutes Monday. He said that he missed me too. I told him I love him and he said that he loves me back. I know that there is no way for us to go back in time nor is there anyway that we can ever be together (at least not that I can see), but I can't help but hope. I hope that he really does think about me. I hope that he really is still in love with me. I have wishes as well. I wish that we could be together. I wish that I could lie in his arms. More than anything, I wish that we could just have some time together to talk.

I started another blog...just for me and him, hoping and wishing that one day we will get another chance. So Charles, if you're reading and you're interested, then click here and let me know.

Can't stop

Out of the blue, I felt like watching some porn. So, I turned in the computer, pulled up Redtube. I start watching and after about 5 minutes, I feel the need to get off. I stuck my hands inside my panties and rubbed my clit for all of 5 seconds. The next thing I know, I'm cumming and I can't stop. What the fuck is that about? I keep having these back to back spasms. Don't get me wrong. I love to cum, but this has never happened before. It's kinda freaking me out....in a feel good kinda way.

Phone sex is HOT!

My day went like this...exercised this morning, went to the store, masturbated in my truck while listening to my Sir cum (That was HOT!!!), hung out at the house for a while, picked the kids up, took them to an art class, came home & cooked dinner, got online, now I'm about to go to sleep in a little while.

After the phone sex this morning, I am now hornier than I was before it happened. I knew that would be the result. I can go a while without sex, but once I cum, I crave it....my pussy throbs, I cum out of the blue (at a red light, walking through the grocery store, cooking dinner). So, I'm restless as hell right now., but I'll be okay. Did I mention this morning was HOT? LOL!!! My Sir's reactions to me were awesome. I'm all about pleasing the person I'm with. So, if I feel like they are enjoying the moment it's SO much better for me. And, I loved listening to him...talking to me, calling me his little girl and his bitch, encouraging me to cum over and over and over again, him cumming on his end. The words were all a blur afterwards, but the feeling was best thing in the world.

I haven't had sex since the 18th and I haven't had time to go get any from anyone outside of my house. I'm actually pretty okay with that right now. You may not believe this but I can actually go for a while without having sex. It's when I'm having sex that I crave more and more. When I'm not getting it though, there just comes a point where it doesn't really matter and that's where I am right now. Reginald actually called me the other day (which you know we rarely do) to tell me that he really wanted some of my pussy. He said he needed to just let me know that...lol.

Jay asked me the other day if I had talked to Melanie lately. I told him no and at some point in the conversation he said that he didn't think I really like women. It kinda caught me off guard (just because I wasn't expecting him to say that), but I told him that I don't like women. They get on my nerves. I like to fuck them, but I have no desire to talk to them or form a friendship. As I was telling him this, it hit me how true that is. Every woman that I have ever been with has been someone Jay knew first. I like it that way. The only one that I've had any kind of friendship with was the girlfriend and I think that was only because I thought she would be around as part of the family. Anyway, I plan on calling Melanie tomorrow, just to keep the lines of communication open.

UGH!!!

Jay changed his mind the other day and told me to go on and see Reginald. I declined....just figured it would cause way too many issue. He asked me today if PD and I were starting back up (because we were talking on the phone). I told him that I didn't think we were. His response was...I hope not. When I asked why, he said he didn't want to talk about it. So, I just let it go.

There's a lot I don't NEED

Reginald asked me to come over tomorrow. So, I asked Jay if that was okay. Of course, that led to a whole conversation about why I even need to go over there. Somewhere in there he threw in that he knows I have (physical) needs, so I should just go and if he couldn't deal with it, I would just have to understand. Then, he brought up how things used to be about us and now they're not. (The same argument I have been giving him since he first decided to start his relationship with his girlfriend a couple of years ago.) To top all of that off, he started talking about how I do stuff with Reginald that I don't do with him.

Okay, now I'm a little pissed. No, I do not NEED to go see Reginald. I do feel like I should because when I do want to see him, unless he's out of town, he sees me. Jay says that he has a lot on his mind and I'm just adding to his issues. I told him that he needs to be honest then and tell me that he doesn't want me to see anyone because, like I've always said, the whole back-and-forth gets on my damn nerves.

Replaced?

Reginald called me Saturday. He wanted to know who had replaced him. He said he was okay if someone had...he just needed to know. I thought it was hilarious! I assured him that no one had replaced him and that I have just been busy. He was okay with that answer.