Opening Up

My husband and I have been talking about having opening up our marriage lately. My husband has always been able to do as he pleases. By that, I mean that he has always been able to pursue women as long as he informed me ahead of time. I think the freedom actually reigned him in some because he's only been with a handful of women and always with the intention of bringing her home for a threesome one day. I've always been able to have a woman on the side if I chose, but being shy I've only found a woman on my own once.

My husband is the love of my life. I can't see myself without him. We've been married for 10 years, together for 13. It's only been in the last few years that I've started to notice other men. Last year, I approached my husband about having sex with a male friend from high school whom I had recently reconnected with. The friend and I had been talking and texting for a few months and we really wanted to see what it would be like when our bodies finally came together. At first he said no. My friend could touch me, but no sex.

So, we played a lot. We had phone sex and text sex (didn't know there was such a thing before then). I'd occasionally stop by. He'd grab me by the hair as soon as I entered the house, toss me across the chair or up against the wall and touch me everywhere. Between the heavy breathing, he'd whisper in my ear and beg me to have sex with him. His hands would eventually find their way under my shirt, inside my pants. His fingers would stroke my pussy, sliding forcefully in and out. He'd turn me around and finger my ass all the while pushing his penis against my ass. And then, when I could stand it no more, I'd cum all over his hand.

This continued for a few months until one day my husband said we could have sex. the only condition was that he wanted to know nothing about what went on. I planned our meeting so it wouldn't conflict with my husband time. I was going out with some girlfriends anyway, so I asked my friend if I could stop by afterwards. The anticipation had been building up for months, so we both expected the sex to be great and it was. It was hot and steamy and passionate and we couldn't wait for the next time. Except the next time never came.

A few days later, my husband blew up. He couldn't take it, knowing that his wife had slept with another man. Though he had said it was OK, he was truly not ready for it to happen. So, fast forward to now...I would love to have an open marriage. Having that outlet available to me was wonderful. I was calmer and more loving towards my husband when my friend was in my life. Though my husband recognizes that, the idea of another man having sex with his wife still freaks him out. I can have sex with all the women in the world and he wouldn't care, but one man sends him into the stratosphere. Needless to say, I'm leery now. We've been talking and he still says he wouldn't want to know anything or meet any of the men. I'm just the opposite. I want to know about the women and I'd LOVE to hear the details because it would turn me on. I would love to be able to share things with him as well, but he's not interested. What scares me most is what happens if something slips out or what if I want to take him to a restaurant that one of my guy friends told me about. I'm just really confused right now.

I'd love to open up the marriage, but I have to ask myself at what cost am I willing to do that?