In Memory of My Mom

I just started blogging this month, so I missed the Blogger Boobie-thon. I"ll definitely be participating next year! For this year though, I continued my tradition of walking in the local Race for the Cure. My mom succumbed to breast cancer last year. It has been really rough for me, but If nothing else I have learned that life is short. It is because of my mother's death that I was able to let go and be ME. I used to care what people would think and say if they knew the real me. I've always been a bad girl, but I fought for years to portray a good girl/monogamous wife image to my family, friends, and co-workers. There were so many things about me that I kept hidden from them, the least of which the fact that I'm bisexual. With my mother's death, I came to realize that I don't really care what people think. I needed to enjoy life and be honest about who I am. By no means do I walk around showing off my kinkiness, but I also no longer hide it. These days, you're just as likely to see me in the grocery store wearing khakis and a polo (being a true soccer mom) as you are to see me wearing a micro-mini sans panties and lowcut tee (being a true exhibitionist).

So, for my mom...I raised money. I walked and I enjoyed every minute of it.

Because of my mom...I can freely admit that I love being a horny, flirtatious, bisexual, open-minded SAHM! I express myself here and in real life everyday without concern about other people's judgements.

To my mom, I say THANKS!

Female Vampires

I just received this in a text message. I thought it was cute so I'm sharing.

If one drop of semen has more life than one drop of blood, then why don't female vampires suck dick?...Happy Halloween!

My reply? They can't suck dick because guys are too afraid of the fangs. Oh, the pain!!!

HNT - Entangled

This is from a recent encounter with one of Jay's female friends. I love the way that we're all tangled up together. You can just imagine what else went on that night. ;)

Happy Half-Nekkid Thursday!!!



To enjoy a more risque, visit The Other HNT

TMI Tuesday

1. Have you ever felt guilty or ashamed after a sexual experience?

Not initially, but later I did. My friends and I have an unwritten rule (their rule, not mine though I do try to stick to it) that we will not become involved with another friends ex. Well, back in college, after much drinking and a game of truth-or-dare I had sex with a friend's ex. Technically, he was my platonic friend WAY before he was her ex (We went to elementary school together). Anyway, I later learned that the two of them were seeing each other again and trying to work things out. Thus, the guilty feeling.

2. Did you ever own a fake ID?

No. I'm short and have always looked younger than I am. As evidenced in this post, people are always assuming I'm my teenage daughter's sister instead of her mother.

3. How often do you tell white lies? Is it with or without thinking?

Sometimes, usually with thought and usually to avoid explaining myself to my husband or the kids.

4. On a scale of 1-10, how well do you receive constructive criticism?

I'm probably a 5. I don't like criticism, constructive or otherwise. I always feel like the other person is belittling me even when they aren't.

5. Have you ever shaved your pubic hair?

Yes, have been for about 11 years now - since the first time I had sex with a woman.


Bonus: What percentage of women do you think are capable of handling being in a "friends with benefits" relationship? How about men?

Not sure of the percentage, but I do believe men are better at it. Don't believe me, check out my first post. However, I think that there are some rare women, like me, out there who can do it with little drama. Now, if we're just talking casual sex without the friendship, then I think the number of women in that category would be slightly higher.

Stalling?

Jay informed me that he was considering my request for an open marriage about 2 weeks ago. Since then, he's asked a lot of questions and I've given a lot of answers. He's said that he is leaning toward the idea - just trying to work it out in his head - and that I need to be patient. He'll let me know when he gets there. Personally, I feel like we've covered all of the questions, some more than once. That doesn't mean that there won't be more, but I truly believe that they would be situational, meaning a particular thing happens and we need to contemplate all of the angles.

Honestly, I feel like Jay is stalling at this point. We've been semi-open for as long as we've known each other. He has always been able to be with other women. I have always been able to be with women. We have had threesomes, one foursome, and I've had oral encounters with men while he was in the next room. He allowed me to have sex with my Reginald, my FWB earlier this year. We've even had a polyamorous FMF relationship. The only thing he's really considering is whether or not he's ok with me seeing other men regularly. I know that he has his fears - fears I'll fall in love (possible, but also possible with a woman), fears I'll leave him (I might leave, but never for or because of someone else), fears I'll do things with the other man that I won't do with him (I'll do anything with Jay; however, it is possible that I'll enjoy something more with someone else). He wants to know NOTHING about the other men. He doesn't want to know their names, what we do, where we go, etc. which makes it even harder to understand his hesitance.

Anyway, at this point, I'm starting to wonder if it's just a ploy. I feel like he's just trying to wait things out to see if he can wear me down or change my mind. It's not going to change. I know what I want. I know how unhappy I was when he changed his mind about me seeing Reginald and I know how much I want this. So, I'm being patient. I'm letting him sort out his feelings and come to his own conclusion. I just wish he'd hurry up!

Why My Husband Rocks

I woke up horny. I decided to self-serve for a couple of reasons - Jay was still sleep and we would need to get up for church in a little while. As I rubbed my clit, Jay woke up and held me. Then, his hand slid down on top of mine. Then further still until he found the opening of my pussy and stuck his fingers in. In and out, harder and harder. His fingers in my pussy, my fingers on my clit until I came.

I rolled him over, kissed his neck, his chest, his stomach - down his body until I came to his dick. I opened my mouth and took him inside, easing the whole thing in my mouth. I sucked him dick, rolling my tongue all around it. I rubbed his balls. Then, I sucked them. I caressed his dick up and down while I took each ball in my mouth. Then I went back to his dick. I sucked it some more, lubing it well. I slowly kissed my way back up his body and sat on his dick. I rode him slow and I rode him fast. I came over and over. I held him close and he begged me to cum one more time, which I gladly and loudly did. He rolled me over on my back and made love to me with deep even strokes. My breathing became harder, the screams and moans became louder until we both achieved ultimate satisfaction.

We laid in each others arms enjoying the moment when there came a knock at the door. A little voice called out, "Are y'all ok? We heard some noise." Jay answered, "We were just playing around, wrestling. We're fine." And as the footsteps made their way down the hall, we couldn't help but giggle.

And I couldn't help but think, "I love this man. He totally rocks my world."

My Husband Rocks My World

I don't really have time right now to go into details. For now, let's just say that it involves great wake-up sex. I'll give more info later. In the meantime, I just want Jay to know that I love him...always have, always will. He is my number one and no one could ever take his place.

Drought

I was just sitting here trying to remember when I last had sex. I can't remember. I think it was Sunday or maybe Saturday. Either way, it's been WAY too long. My husband is still contemplating the whole open marriage thing so I'm trying to be a good girl. We have some other outside stressors in our life right now that are causing him to be not so interested at the moment. But, damn...I need some dick.

Meanwhile, I posted on Craiglist looking for a woman. I've gotten a couple of responses and will try to get in touch with them over the weekend if I have time. Hopefully, I can find someone soft to spend my free time with.

Mistaken 'Easy' Identity

When my teenage daughter and I are out together we are often mistaken for sisters. This happened a little while ago when we ventured out to view a local college she's interested in attending. My daughter approached one of the faculty members and when asked where her mother was she pointing across to the lady talking on her cell...me. When I finished my call and approached them, he asked, "You're really her mother? I thought you were her friend or maybe an older sister." I thanked him and assured him that I was indeed her mother. He proceeded to give us information about his department. We thanked him and moved on with our tour. However, that would not be the end of my encounters with College Guy. We finished our tour and headed to lunch only to run into...you guessed it, College Guy. He made a point of speaking to me and asking if I was being treated well. Then, after we finished eating and I was waiting on my daughter, College Guy appeared again. He had coincidentally finished eating at the same time. Once again, he made a point of making random chit chat.

Later that evening I was relaying these events to my cousin who has been struggling in the man department lately. She commented that I walk into a room and get hit on by a man and she can't get on to just call her back. I answered her by saying that I think I have an invisible sign on my back that says "EASY" and that's why men approach me. I kinda believe this. I think there is an air about me that gives the impression that I'll go there (wherever there may be).

So...the question now is do I dig out College Guy's business card and send him an email. Decisions, decisions

Opening Up

My husband and I have been talking about having opening up our marriage lately. My husband has always been able to do as he pleases. By that, I mean that he has always been able to pursue women as long as he informed me ahead of time. I think the freedom actually reigned him in some because he's only been with a handful of women and always with the intention of bringing her home for a threesome one day. I've always been able to have a woman on the side if I chose, but being shy I've only found a woman on my own once.

My husband is the love of my life. I can't see myself without him. We've been married for 10 years, together for 13. It's only been in the last few years that I've started to notice other men. Last year, I approached my husband about having sex with a male friend from high school whom I had recently reconnected with. The friend and I had been talking and texting for a few months and we really wanted to see what it would be like when our bodies finally came together. At first he said no. My friend could touch me, but no sex.

So, we played a lot. We had phone sex and text sex (didn't know there was such a thing before then). I'd occasionally stop by. He'd grab me by the hair as soon as I entered the house, toss me across the chair or up against the wall and touch me everywhere. Between the heavy breathing, he'd whisper in my ear and beg me to have sex with him. His hands would eventually find their way under my shirt, inside my pants. His fingers would stroke my pussy, sliding forcefully in and out. He'd turn me around and finger my ass all the while pushing his penis against my ass. And then, when I could stand it no more, I'd cum all over his hand.

This continued for a few months until one day my husband said we could have sex. the only condition was that he wanted to know nothing about what went on. I planned our meeting so it wouldn't conflict with my husband time. I was going out with some girlfriends anyway, so I asked my friend if I could stop by afterwards. The anticipation had been building up for months, so we both expected the sex to be great and it was. It was hot and steamy and passionate and we couldn't wait for the next time. Except the next time never came.

A few days later, my husband blew up. He couldn't take it, knowing that his wife had slept with another man. Though he had said it was OK, he was truly not ready for it to happen. So, fast forward to now...I would love to have an open marriage. Having that outlet available to me was wonderful. I was calmer and more loving towards my husband when my friend was in my life. Though my husband recognizes that, the idea of another man having sex with his wife still freaks him out. I can have sex with all the women in the world and he wouldn't care, but one man sends him into the stratosphere. Needless to say, I'm leery now. We've been talking and he still says he wouldn't want to know anything or meet any of the men. I'm just the opposite. I want to know about the women and I'd LOVE to hear the details because it would turn me on. I would love to be able to share things with him as well, but he's not interested. What scares me most is what happens if something slips out or what if I want to take him to a restaurant that one of my guy friends told me about. I'm just really confused right now.

I'd love to open up the marriage, but I have to ask myself at what cost am I willing to do that?

I'm on The Other HNT

OK, I just discovered this site late Wednesday night thanks to Southern Vixen. I submitted a pic and made it just under the wire. Care to guess which pic is me?

Yoga for Anal Sex, Who Knew?

I took my first yoga class recently. It was VERY relaxing, but there was a surprisingly sexual moment during the class. I recently had anal sex for the first time. It was with my husband and though it felt good it was also painful despite the combination of alcohol, desensitizing cream and lubricant. Same for the second time. I have since given up on doing it with him because it hurts. Even his finger in my ass hurts - not sure why.
However, my FWB kinda snuck up and put his dick in my ass one day. I had always headed him off saying that it was just not possible because it would hurt too bad. This time when I felt the tip of his dick lingering around my ass I, of course, said the same thing. He insisted I at least give him a try. If it hurt, he'd stop. He proceeded to slowly and gently enter me. He talked me through it, telling how to position my body, when to breath, etc. And guess what? Before long he was all the way in - no alcohol, no cream, and very little lubricant outside of what already comes on the condom. I was amazed. I enjoyed the whole experience. I wished I could have run home and told my husband all about it because I would LOVE to do it with him, but since I wasn't supposed to be seeing my FWB at the time, that idea was out. So, for now, my friend is the only one who I let enter my ass.

Back to yoga class today, we ended up in the Child Pose. As I'm positioning myself and the instructor is guiding our breathing, I suddenly get this warm, excited sensation throughout my body and I realize I'm in the same position my FWB put me in! If only he was in town today. He would have gotten a surprise treat for lunch. Oh well...

Needless to say yoga has taken on a whole new meaning and I will definitely be assuming the child pose again, both in class and out.

When Three's a Crowd

About a month ago, I meet a guy online and we hit it off instantly. We've seen each other in person 4 times but usually for no more than a few minutes at a time. Today was number 5. This time, we met for a strictly platonic reason and there was another person present which meant that we couldn't touch which was REALLY hard. What I really wanted was to throw the other person out of the room so the guy could pull off my jeans and panties and sit me on the table making me just the right height for him to sit in his chair and lick my pussy. Then I'd want him to grab my hair, turn me around, bend me over the table, and fuck me from behind. Alas, we were not alone so that could not happen, but a girl can dream, can't she?

Throbbing

When I'm horny my pussy throbs. It's like it has it's own little heartbeat. It's kinda cool, but at the same time it's extremely frustrating. I REALLY need to fuck.

Horny Anyone?

That person you see with her hand up jumping up and down...that's me. I'm home, so of course, I told my husband. He made some comment about really wanting to have a drink with me before having sex and went off to pour a glass of wine. That was 30 minutes ago. He hasn't been back yet. There's no way I can get any from anyone else tonight. I'm way too horny to self-serve. It would only frustrate me more. So, I guess I'll just go to bed...good night.

You Can't Handle the Truth

People want to hear the truth. They want to know how you really feel. They beg for you to give it to them straight. That is until you open your mouth and say something they don't like. Then suddenly you're mean or hurtful or unsympathetic or...well, you get the point.

I'm probably one of the most honest people you'll ever met. If you ask me a question, I'm going to answer. This usually works except when I'm in a romantic and/or sexual relationship with the person. They may say they want the truth but what they really want is for you to agree with them or to at most give them a light version of the truth. This really angers me because it leaves me having to sugar-coat my feelings or disregarding them all together so as not to hurt the other persons feelings. It's as unfair to me as it is to the other person. I feel bad for lying or depressed because my feelings aren't being heard and the other person has a false sense of reality.

I don't really have a solution to this issue, but I will leave you with this...If you don't want the truth, don't ask the question.

When Did You Become a Girl?

That may seem a strange question when you consider that I am female, have always been female and have no plans to not be female in the future. The question was asked by a male friend whom I've known for over two decades. It stemmed from me saying that I want to spend more time with my FWB (friend with benefits); that I wanted to go out for drinks once in a while and cuddle after sex. Now, that may sound like a perfectly normal request from someone of the female persuasion and it is. The reason it so shocked my friend was because I have always been a "hit it and go" kinda girl. I have been told on more than one occasion that I think like a guy. I see someone I think might be a good fuck, I fuck him or her, end of story. There really is no need for emotion for me. Thus, when I said to my friend (whom, if you haven't figured it out yet is the FWB) that I wanted to go out sometime and do something other than show up at his door, strip, fuck, and leave, he looked at me and asked, "When did you become a girl?" It floored me. I'm not sure if I've "become a girl" or if I'm developing some kind of feelings for my FWB beyond friendship or if I was just frustrated that day. I had been having problems with my husband that week. (Yes, I'm married. But we'll get to that another day.) My answer to him was that "I am a girl. I have always been a girl and on rare occasions I would like to be treated like a girl."

So, I start this blog today to sort out my girlness and my boyness and to just talk about life in general, like having a virtual therapist.