Submissive - Who Me?

As you can tell from my last post, I'm exploring my submissive side. My new friend, the Dom, suggested that I read The Story of O. He also sent me links to a couple of websites. I immediately started reading the websites and picked up the book the next day. It didn't take long for me to realize that I am submissive and always have been.

Wait...this requires a little back story.

My husband knows about Reginald. He has known about him from Day One, a little over a year ago when we ran into each other and were texting just to catch up on old times. In the last year, Hubby has constantly flipped-flopped over me seeing Reginald. He has gone from no face-to-face contact, to anything except intercourse, to intercourse is okay, to no contact whatsoever, to we're open so do what you want. Confusing, right? Well, imagine what it's like for me!

The current situation is that we are open so technically I can see anyone I want. The problem, however, lies in that Hubby REALLY dislikes Reginald. I came to realize this a little while ago, but never could figure out why (and Hubby couldn't explain it either). Recently though, Hubby said it was because he seems to have some kind of hold on me, that I can't give him up. This is true, but like Hubby, I didn't really understand why.

OK, fast forward to now...
Reginald and I have a D/s relationship and I thrive on that. I used to have that type of relationship with Hubby, but somewhere along the way we lost it. He became indecisive and unsure, not good qualities in the dominant person. Reginald just happened to come along at the right time with the right amount of restrictions. I'm eager to please him...to not overstep my boundaries. Sex, even anal, feels natural and passionate because of the mental foreplay we have done beforehand. I never stay at Reginald's after we have sex. I have never seen his bedroom. We always have sex in the den or one of the extra bedrooms or outdoors on the deck. I love taking direction from him. Hearing the pleasure in his voice when I do as I'm told. Anything he asks (like his recent request to tie me up), I agree to without hesitation because I want to bring him joy.

He sent me a text this morning inquiring about my Christmas. After we had finished the pleasantries, I told him that I think we have a D/s relationship. He was shocked. I went on to explain why I thought so. Of course, he had never looked at it that way. But, it is what it is.

The dilemma lies with Hubby now. I would love for him to be the dominant man that he was in the past. He says that he is willing to try, so we'll see. For now, Reginald is that person. He give me what I need to be happy. He allows me to please him and rewards me with his satisfaction. I thrive on that and cannot give that up....not yet anyway.

I am a submissive...I always have been and I am sure that I always will be.