TMI Tuesday

1. Have you ever sent or received a sext message?
Yes, quite often.

2. Have you ever made or received a booty call?
Uh, duh...do you read my blog?

3. Have you ever added or edited a word/entry to Wikipedia or Urban Dictionary or any other online reference?
Nope...I do not have the patience to research and cite sources. If I answered it would all be my opinion or what I heard via word of mouth and that would not be good.

4. At what age did you have your first consensual sexual experience?
13

5. What has been the greatest age difference between you a consensual sexual partner?
18 years...I was 18, he was 36.

Bonus (as in optional): Why do you blog?
Blogging is my way of journaling. It helps get my emotions and ideas out of my head. There are things in my blogs that, for various reasons, I cannot talk to friends about. It provides a much needed release.

Hi Ho, Hi Ho...It's Off to Work We Go

Jay went to work today. Now, I know that seems like a normal everyday thing and it should. But, like many of our fellow Americans, Jay has been unemployed for a while. And, by a while, I mean since September. So, it's been six months since he has had to wake up early, get dressed, and head out into the world.

In addition to that, over the weekend, he decided to reach out to my Sir and let him know that he was okay with our long-distance relationship. He also said that I could pursue a true polyamorous relationship with the new guy I met. Jay is putting his fear and insecurity aside and stepping out on faith. Things are looking good.

I Love My Church

Have I said that before? Jay and I have been visiting this church since late August. I knew from day one that I really liked the church, but I've been hesitant to join. I knew if I joined, Jay would join, and since I wasn't so sure where we were headed I didn't want to make that commitment. Well, we went to see the pastor last week to tell her the good news about Jay's diagnosis (Yes, I consider it good news.) and to let her know that I was ready to join the church. Of course, Jay said that he was ready also. So, we will be joining the church on Easter Sunday. YAY!!!

Jay missed church yesterday. He had taken his medicine late and was still groggy. So, the kids and I went without him. Our church service is set up so that the kids are in the sanctuary during the beginning, but before the adult sermon, they have their own mini-sermon then go downstairs to play which means I would be sitting through most of the service alone. Before service started, I was talking to one of the members and I told her that I need to get boyfriend or girlfriend so that I can have someone to sit with me at church when Jay can't make it. She just laughed and not a fake laugh either. She knew I was serious and was perfectly okay with it. Thus, why I love my church.

Now, if I could just (1) convince Jay that a boyfriend is just as non-threatening as a girlfriend and (2) find a boyfriend or girlfriend. I met someone who may be a good fit, but it's way too early to tell.

TMI Tuesday

1. Don't tell us what it is, but do you have a sexual secret you have never told anyone?

While I do not go about blabbing my sex life to everyone, I'm pretty much an open book, so I think I can safely say no. I've never done anything that I am ashamed of or regret having done. I may not tell a person's name, but for the most part if the subject of "what did you do" comes up, I'll share honestly. That being said, I do not share equally. How in-depth the information shared is depends on who I'm sharing it with.

2. Do you have a nonsexual secret you have never told anyone?

Only one, but it involves another person and could get them in trouble so I would probably never tell unless absolutely necessary.

3. Did you ever tell someone a secret only to have them spill it? What were the repercussions?

I don't really have secrets so spilling one would not be an issue. Though I can't think of a time that this has happened, I do have an issue with gossiping. It is one thing to tell information about me that is relevant to the conversation you're having. It is quite another to tell information just for the sake of telling what you know.

4. Did you ever spill a secret someone told you? What were the repercussions?

No...I may be an open book when it comes to my own life, but not with others.

5. Tell us a secret someone told you, however along ago, that you've never told. (You can disguise name or details)

Because I do not discriminate against married or involved men, I know about quite a few affairs. Of course,this is mainly because I've been directly involved in them. However, I always talk about these affairs with Jay, most times with a close cousin, and of course here in my blog. So, I would not consider them totally secret.

The Calm After the Storm

If you had asked me last week if I thought Jay and I would stay married, my answer would have been "AW, HELL NAW!" I had gotten to my last straw and if it were not for the fact that I do not work and therefore have no money, I would have divorced him months, if not years, ago. But then, he went to the doctor. I know that I said I was going to wait to tell what the doctor said. Well, he has started telling people so I feel like it's okay to share now. Jay was diagnosed as bipolar. He has bipolar II which is a lesser form of the disorder. People in this category have hypomania instead of the full-blown mania. As I've been researching, I've come to realize that so much of Jay's behavior over the last few years can be explained by this disease. It saddens me that we have lost so much of our lives simply because we did not know. It is also a huge relief. Over the last few years, I have often told friends that Jay is a totally different person, not at all like the man I married. He had turned into a complete asshole. Come to find out, he couldn't help it and, for the most part, didn't even realize he was doing it.

Jay was prescribed Symbyax and when I say the change has been like night and day, I am not exaggerating. The first few days he slept a lot, but when he was awake he was a much calmer Jay. We have not argued and he is now more in-tune with his feelings. He will ask for a moment when he feels like something is going to upset him. I am so proud of him and how he is taking this seriously.

We have been discussing being poly and what that means to both of us. He did ask me to stop seeing other men while we work on us and I have done that. While I do miss Reginald and my Sir, I do not miss them as much as I thought I would. And, that is because I have my old Jay back. Yesterday, we made love and it was the BEST sex I have ever had. It even included oral AND anal, which if you have been reading you know those two things have been a HUGE issue for us.

So, for now, Sunshine is happy and shining.

I Want You to Take It

I wrote this a little while ago, but I'm just now getting around to publishing it. Enjoy!

I have no willpower. Reginald is back in town from his latest business trip. I was out his way this afternoon so I sent him a text to see if he was back. I offered to come by, but he was heading out so I asked if he'd be in tonight after 10. Around 9:45 this evening, I got a text from him. He wanted to know if I was still out because he was home. Of course, I ended up going by. As I was driving over, he asked me what I wanted. I reminded him that he was supposed to take "it" the next time he saw me. That's exactly what he did. He put his hand over my mouth as soon as I walked through the door. He bit my ear (hard...ouch!) and pulled my clothes off. He grabbed my hair and asked me if I wanted him to fuck me. I said yes. When I tried to talk, he told me that I could only speak when spoken to. Then he spanked me hard. So hard I had to cry out. He pulled me by the hair into the bedroom. He asked if I wanted to suck his dick. I said yes and he told me to get on my knees. I did as I was told and sucked his dick. Then he told me to lick his balls and play with my pussy to get it wet. I tried to tell him it was wet before I even walked through the door but he told me to shut up. He had me sit on the floor with my back against the bed. My head was angled up so that I was just the right height to take his balls into my mouth. Then he turned around and I licked his ass. He likes that. I can tell. So, when he asked if I liked it, I said yes mostly because I knew how much he enjoyed me doing it. He went to get a condom and told me to lie on my back on the bed. He had me put his dick in. And, we fucked...on my back, on my stomach, on the bed, on the floor, in my ass...until he came. He asked if I wanted it (because he knows how much I like to swallow him), but before I could even get out an answer he had cum. When I said yes, he just replied, "Too late." I've really missed him. Can you tell?

Relief

Jay got some news from the doctor today. It wasn't good news, but it wasn't horrible either. It did, however, explain a lot. I have not asked Jay if I could reveal it her, so I won't. For now, let's just say I was floored. Two days ago, I was ready to walk out the door. Now, I could never do that.

I keep thinking about the episode of Grey's Anatomy (I think) where the husband was an ass and the wife was leaving him only to discover that he had a tumor and once they removed the tumor he would go back to normal. She felt so bad because it wasn't his fault. Well, that's me. No, Jay doesn't have a tumor but it's the same situation. His actions have not been his fault and I feel bad that I even thought about leaving him. But, I am also relieved. My husband is not an ass. I have been saying for the longest time that he is a different person from the man I married. Now, I know that he really is a different person but it is not his fault and that he can go back to being that wonderful guy I met 13 years ago. And, for that I'm happy.

TMI Tuesday

1. Are you pro-marriage? Why or why not?
Yes and no...I, personally like being married. However, I do not think that every couple out their needs to get married in order to validate their commitment to one another. For me, marriage is about security for myself and my children more than anything else.

2. Have you ever invented or thought you invented a sexual position?
No, I'm pretty sure every position I've ever done has been done by someone else before me.

3. Do you like to be tied up? Always or sometimes?
Yes...sometimes

4. Do you consider online cybering adultery?
No

5. Do you prefer masturbation over real sex?
Hell no!!!!

6. Do you want sex more times a day than your partner?
It varies...some days I do, some days I don't.

7. Do you get offended when you partner openly flirts with others or are you okay with it?
No, I don't. I would probably be the one who encouraged him to start the flirting.

8. Do you think you're flirty by nature?
Hell Yeah!!

TMI Tuesday

1. Is there a sexual act/position/practice that you were sure in advance you would hate (or never try) and then discovered to your surprise you loved?

I recently started exploring BDSM. I do not do pain. Jay has lightly spanked me in the past, but recently he did it and used quite a bit more force than he ever has. It caught me off guard, but I actually enjoyed it quite a bit. It makes me think that I might be able to get into some of the other painful aspects of the lifestyle.

2. Is there a sexual act/position/practice that proved a lot less interesting in practice than you thought it would be beforehand?

Like Sexie Sadie, I too dislike the 69 position. I can't concentrate. For the life of me, I cannot figure out what those they enjoy it get out of it. I would much rather we just take turns.

3. How do you let your significant other know you're in the mood? How do you let a new person in your life know?
I say/text/email, "I'm horny." I'm pretty simple and straightforward.

4. How does your significant other let you know he/she is in the mood?

Jay usually rubs or kisses my back, which I love.

5. Is there one that got away - a sexual opportunity you didn't realise was one at the time, or weren't ready for and regret missing ever since?
Are you kidding me?!? NO!!!

All Tied Up

I told Jay that I wanted him to tie me up. He simply said ok. I didn't expect it to happen immediately. I just wanted him to know that it was something that I wanted to explore. But, after the kids were sleep, he did just that. I was lying in bed. He rolled me over on my stomach, pulled my hands behind my back and tied my wrists together. He asked if it hurt. I told him it didn't hurt, but that it was very uncomfortable. He just said good. He then proceeded to irritate me to no end. He lightly rubbed his fingers across my body so that it gave the sensation that something was crawling on me. He tickled me and he bit me, but he also massaged my shoulders. Then he tied my ankles together. He pulled my hips up and teasingly ran his fingers across my pussy. He spanked me...just a few times and just hard enough to sting and turn me on. He had me turn over on my back. He squeezed my nipples, which normally wouldn't be so bad, but I recently started taking birth control pills again so my breast are very tender. He licked me clit. I was breathing rather hard at this point which I think scared him a little (I was still sick.), so he had me roll back onto my stomach. At this point, one of my arms had gone numb, so I asked if he could tie my wrists in front. So, he untied my wrists and retied them over my head. At this point, I was on my back. He once again pulled my hips up. He licked my pussy, then straddled behind me and fucked me. I must say I really enjoyed being tied up. I can't wait to do it when I'm not coughing and struggling to catch my breath. I'm sure he'll take things further, but for now, I'm a very happy girl.

It's Been A Long Time

I know it's been a long time since I've written. I've had the flu, followed by complications from the flu. Hubby and I had a falling out. We are now in counseling trying to save our marriage. Hubby picked the counselor because he works on a sliding scale. The only problem is that it's a Christian counselor. Nothing against him personally. He seems like a really great guy and I'm sure he's a great counselor. I'm just not sure he's right for us. But then, maybe he's right for Hubby. I asked him yesterday if he wants to be monogamous or poly. He didn't think it mattered. I, on the other hand, think it's a very important question. Not only does our approach to counseling become different depending on the answer, whether I even want to pursue reconciliation may change depending on the answer. He finally came back and one again said that he could be in a poly relationship but only with a woman, never with another man. He has no desire to be friends or even know about any man that I am sleeping with. He wants me to cut off contact with Reginald and my Sir while we're trying to work things out. While that may make sense if we're going to be monogamous, I think that it makes no sense at all if we're going to be poly. I think that we need to work on his feelings toward having other people in our lives because I don't think that it is simply other men. He has issues with me chatting with other women, even platonically. I think that if I met a woman, in real life or online, and started a relationship, he would still have an issue because I'm talking to someone other than him. In all honest though, Hubby and I don't talk. We don't see eye to eye on most things.

He considers Reginald to be an affair (even though he okayed the relationship every step of the way) because I enjoy things with him that I don't enjoy with Hubby. He considers my Sir to be an emotional affair (even though he said I could talk to him) because I talk to him about my feelings. He wants to compare them to "the girlfriend"....the lady we had the relationship with at the end of '07. I consider his relationship with her to have started as an affair. I didn't know it at the time, but they had apparently talked and shared quite a bit before I knew about her and said it was okay to date her. It wasn't until she and I started talking and the three of us started hanging out that I learned about these things. We have always had a rule that he will tell me when he is talking to or spending time with a woman (even platonically). He didn't do that with her. For me, that's a betrayal. I never would have encouraged him to date her had I known the background story.

Anyway, I will stop here for now. I promise to be present more. I'm not sure which way this blog will go now that I'm not seeing other men. We'll just have to wait and see. I will say this...in the middle of the flu, Hubby tied me up and the other night we made love (not fucked) and it was great. I will fill you in on both of those events soon.

For those of you on the East coast, I hope that you are enjoying the snow and that it's not causing too many issues for you.