Abnormal Thinkings

There Must Be Something Wrong With Me

2009-10-21T19:36:00.003-05:00

The title says it all. That's what I keep thinking. I am STILL in love with Charles. I have no idea why. It makes no logical sense at all. But, I can't help it. I think about him all the time. I long to see him, to kiss him, to make love to him. I dreamed about him last night. I woke up with a smile on my face and an emptiness in my heart.

I talked to him for a few minutes Monday. He said that he missed me too. I told him I love him and he said that he loves me back. I know that there is no way for us to go back in time nor is there anyway that we can ever be together (at least not that I can see), but I can't help but hope. I hope that he really does think about me. I hope that he really is still in love with me. I have wishes as well. I wish that we could be together. I wish that I could lie in his arms. More than anything, I wish that we could just have some time together to talk.

I started another blog...just for me and him, hoping and wishing that one day we will get another chance. So Charles, if you're reading and you're interested, then click here and let me know.

Can't stop

2009-08-27T20:30:00.002-05:00

Out of the blue, I felt like watching some porn. So, I turned in the computer, pulled up Redtube. I start watching and after about 5 minutes, I feel the need to get off. I stuck my hands inside my panties and rubbed my clit for all of 5 seconds. The next thing I know, I'm cumming and I can't stop. What the fuck is that about? I keep having these back to back spasms. Don't get me wrong. I love to cum, but this has never happened before. It's kinda freaking me out....in a feel good kinda way.

Phone sex is HOT!

2009-06-30T22:16:00.002-05:00

My day went like this...exercised this morning, went to the store, masturbated in my truck while listening to my Sir cum (That was HOT!!!), hung out at the house for a while, picked the kids up, took them to an art class, came home & cooked dinner, got online, now I'm about to go to sleep in a little while.

After the phone sex this morning, I am now hornier than I was before it happened. I knew that would be the result. I can go a while without sex, but once I cum, I crave it....my pussy throbs, I cum out of the blue (at a red light, walking through the grocery store, cooking dinner). So, I'm restless as hell right now., but I'll be okay. Did I mention this morning was HOT? LOL!!! My Sir's reactions to me were awesome. I'm all about pleasing the person I'm with. So, if I feel like they are enjoying the moment it's SO much better for me. And, I loved listening to him...talking to me, calling me his little girl and his bitch, encouraging me to cum over and over and over again, him cumming on his end. The words were all a blur afterwards, but the feeling was best thing in the world.

2009-06-29T22:08:00.001-05:00

I haven't had sex since the 18th and I haven't had time to go get any from anyone outside of my house. I'm actually pretty okay with that right now. You may not believe this but I can actually go for a while without having sex. It's when I'm having sex that I crave more and more. When I'm not getting it though, there just comes a point where it doesn't really matter and that's where I am right now. Reginald actually called me the other day (which you know we rarely do) to tell me that he really wanted some of my pussy. He said he needed to just let me know that...lol.

Jay asked me the other day if I had talked to Melanie lately. I told him no and at some point in the conversation he said that he didn't think I really like women. It kinda caught me off guard (just because I wasn't expecting him to say that), but I told him that I don't like women. They get on my nerves. I like to fuck them, but I have no desire to talk to them or form a friendship. As I was telling him this, it hit me how true that is. Every woman that I have ever been with has been someone Jay knew first. I like it that way. The only one that I've had any kind of friendship with was the girlfriend and I think that was only because I thought she would be around as part of the family. Anyway, I plan on calling Melanie tomorrow, just to keep the lines of communication open.

UGH!!!

2009-06-26T22:04:00.000-05:00

Jay changed his mind the other day and told me to go on and see Reginald. I declined....just figured it would cause way too many issue. He asked me today if PD and I were starting back up (because we were talking on the phone). I told him that I didn't think we were. His response was...I hope not. When I asked why, he said he didn't want to talk about it. So, I just let it go.

There's a lot I don't NEED

2009-06-23T22:00:00.002-05:00

Reginald asked me to come over tomorrow. So, I asked Jay if that was okay. Of course, that led to a whole conversation about why I even need to go over there. Somewhere in there he threw in that he knows I have (physical) needs, so I should just go and if he couldn't deal with it, I would just have to understand. Then, he brought up how things used to be about us and now they're not. (The same argument I have been giving him since he first decided to start his relationship with his girlfriend a couple of years ago.) To top all of that off, he started talking about how I do stuff with Reginald that I don't do with him.

Okay, now I'm a little pissed. No, I do not NEED to go see Reginald. I do feel like I should because when I do want to see him, unless he's out of town, he sees me. Jay says that he has a lot on his mind and I'm just adding to his issues. I told him that he needs to be honest then and tell me that he doesn't want me to see anyone because, like I've always said, the whole back-and-forth gets on my damn nerves.

Replaced?

2009-06-22T23:08:00.000-05:00

Reginald called me Saturday. He wanted to know who had replaced him. He said he was okay if someone had...he just needed to know. I thought it was hilarious! I assured him that no one had replaced him and that I have just been busy. He was okay with that answer.

TMI Tuesday

2009-06-22T22:18:00.003-05:00

Have you ever...

1. been married? yes

2. been divorced? been remarried? yes and yes

3. had sex at a wedding reception? no

4. had sex with someone you first met at a wedding or wedding reception? no

5. given a a toast to the bride and groom? no

It's funny that today's TMI questions are about marriage. My anniversary was this past Saturday. Jay and I have been married 11 years.

Since the questions were a little on the boring side, I thought I'd add a wedding dance video. Here ya go...

Still no sex

2009-06-17T23:06:00.000-05:00

...nothing more to say about that really.

He just doesn't get it

2009-06-14T19:56:00.001-05:00

Jay and I talked yesterday...about sex. I was telling him that I would like him to be more aggressive especially when it's been a while since I've had sex. He said he understood, told me to put the kids to bed early, and meet him at the door when he came home. So, I did all that...still no sex. I am convinced that he is just unmotivated. He's just not a 'take it' kinda person. Before he left for work, I had told him that I think he's afraid to do what I ask. Last night, he said that he had been thinking about it at work and he just didn't understood how someone forcing me can be such a turn-on. Like I said, he's just not that kind of person.

HNT

2009-06-11T08:04:00.004-05:00

There really is no story here. This was one of my first pair of low-rise jeans. Apparently, Jay liked the view when I bent over.

Happy HNT!!! Don't forget to visit everyone over at .

TMI Tuesday

2009-06-09T11:00:00.001-05:00

Have you ever...

1. had sex with someone ten years older or younger than you?
yes

2. drawn from a nude model or been a nude model?
do photos count? if so, yes i have.

3. had sex at a company Christmas party?
nope
4. had a blind date?
nope

5. slept with a teacher?
a teacher, but not my own teacher

Bonus (as in optional): had sex with someone within an hour of meeting them?
yep

Rough Sex

2009-06-05T01:08:00.002-05:00

You know what I don't understand? The whole idea that because you care about someone you can't see yourself hurting them even if that is what they want. I can tell Jay that I want him to be rough, but he's still not going to do it. He's afraid that he'll hurt me and just can't see himself doing that. Bullshit! So, instead there are times that I am left feeling unfulfilled. I just don't see how he can't understand that especially when I've told him that one of the things I really like about seeing Reginald is that he's rough with me at times.

That's my thought for today. I'm horny and I want someone to pull my hair, throw me against the wall, pull my clothes off, and take the pussy. I want to be spanked and choked and put to bed. I don't think that's a lot to ask, but apparently I'm wrong.

Touch the Darkness

OK...Now, I'm Scared

2009-06-03T19:29:00.005-05:00

Today, I sent my usual good morning to my Sir. I followed that by telling him that I was horny. The conversation then went like this...

my Sir: So cum

Me: I will later, but not the way I want to.

my Sir: And what way is that?

Me: I want it to be taken

my Sir: If I were there I would

Me: I know you would

my Sir: You deserve a good beatdown fuck

Me: What the heck is that?

my Sir: When I am in that mood, its a three-hole fuck

Me: Yep...I knew I should be scared. Though I've been there/done that, I envision it being on a whole other level with you.

my Sir: Imma make you sign a waiver...lol

Me: The thing is...I know you're serious and it scare the crap outta me, but I am so turned on right now.

my Sir: You need to be scared, LG. You have this thing going on where Jay, Charles, and Reginald let you run around willy nilly. They don't get it. You are the type of woman that responds to her hair being pulled and being owned sexually. You want to be respected but treated like a slut and owned like a whore.

Me: Well, Charles is gone, but yeah...I see your point. lol

my Sir: You know what I mean. You LOVE being a slut...it makes you feel good.

Me: You know me too well.

my Sir: You haven't properly been used Little Girl.

Me: I agree with you.

my Sir: I can see you at a party and being my personal sex toy...make you suck and fuck whomever I want.

Me: I have no issues being your sex toy as long as I get to have you as well.

my Sir: The first and last at the least

There really is nothing that I can add. The conversation says it all. He will be holding a swingers party later this year and I am SO hoping that I will be able to attend. The whole idea is scary, intriguing, and thoroughly exciting.

TMI Tuesday - Dating Edition

2009-06-02T14:48:00.003-05:00

1. What was the last movie you saw on a date?

I honestly have a horrible memory so I'm just going to take a guess and say it was Seven Pounds. I really think that Jay and I have gone to the movies since that though. However, we do have pans to see Star Trek soon.

2. What was the last meal you had on a date?
Let's see...stuffed mushrooms. We stopped at a bar before coming home. I was hungry so I had an appetizer with my drinks.

3. When was the last time you made out in the car on a date? More?
Hmmm...I think the last time I made out in a car was with Charles but we weren't technically in the car. He met me for a quick bite one evening. He walked me to my truck. I was sitting inside and he was standing in the open door.
As for more...I'm pretty sure it was with Jay a few months ago.

4. When using dating websites, do you think you are more likely to find a "hook up" or a relationship? Relationship...although, it may mot be a full-blown "feelings" relationship. When I meet people, we typically become friends and stay that way even if we decide to not see one another anymore. Assuming Charles sticks with what he said about us not being friends, he would be the first guy that I've been with and had absolutely no contact with afterwards.

5. Do you have any special "first" date rituals? Flowers, certain restaurant, etc.
None at all

BONUS QUESTION: Do you believe in sex on the first date? Can a relationship bloom if you have sex on the first date?
I sure do!!! :)
Jay and I had sex on our first date so I'd have to say yes.

HAPPY TMI TUESDAY!!

Still Crying

2009-05-31T10:33:00.003-05:00

I've been crying since since Friday when I had my very short phone conversation with Charles. I'm just devastated. I only had sex with Melanie in the hopes that it would lead to her having a threesome with me and Charles. He doesn't believe that, but it's true. I'm not attracted to her like that so Friday was all about finding out how far and how willingly she would go. If I had even an inkling that Charles would have a problem with it, I never would have even gone out with her. I should have just stayed home that night and waited in hope that Charles could get free and see me.

I'm just so miserable. I don't feel like doing anything. I even had a brief second where I thought about slitting my wrist. I know y'all don't know me like that, but don't worry...I don't do pain. It's just that the thought has occurred to me that I will never again be that happy...not even with Jay. I know that sounds bad, but Jay and I are just different (and that's a different post for a different day). Right now, I just want Charles back.

Confusion

2009-05-30T19:41:00.003-05:00

I know I said I was taking a break, but I've done some thinking. I don't feel like I've done anything wrong where Charles is concerned. Yes, I know that I was the one who said we should go our separate ways because he wouldn't be able to see me, but that was not the reason he gave for not contacting me all week (and I guess I expected him to ask me not to leave him). He said that my weekend escapades "turned him off". Okay...but, I still don't understand why. Charles has always made a big point of being okay with my lifestyle (as evident here)and I have ALWAYS told him that if there was anything that he did not want me to do that I would be okay with that. He's never asked me not to see someone or not to do something. So, what gives? It can't just be this weekend, can it? Personally, I think it's a bunch of crock. I think that he never figured out how he was going to stay in touch and see me over the summer and he just used this weekend as an excuse. And, if that was the case, he could have just said that. I have always said that I understand that he does not have as much freedom as I do so I am willing to work with him. I just need him to tell me that he can't do something instead of telling me he'll 'find a way'.

There is a part of me that wants to call his wife up and tell her EVERYTHING. That's how hurt I am and we all know there is nothing like a woman scorned. I'm trying really hard to fight the urge. Hopefully, I can hold off. There really is nothing good that can come of it other than some slight satisfaction in being vengeful. I just hurt so bad...

On a different note (slightly), Jay has noticed how moody I've been yesterday and today. He left Charles a message yesterday about them meeting. When I found out, I told him that Charles had no interest in seeing me anymore so not to worry about. He finally asked what was going on. When I told him that Charles was upset about the weekend, he couldn't believe it. He felt like if anyone should have been upset, it was him. Charles is not romantically involved with Melanie. Her joining us was just a hope that we shared. Plus, like I said above, he has never had an issue with anything or anyone that I do. So, once again...it just doesn't make sense.

Hopefully, Charles will contact me and I can get some kind of resolution. I doubt if he will though. I get a feeling that this relationship will always be left with no closure (again, another first for me courtesy of Charles).

*sigh*

Goodbye

2009-05-29T11:18:00.005-05:00

I've decided to take a break from my blog. Not sure when I'll be back. Just talked to Charles...hadn't heard from him in over a week so I finally broke down and called. What can I say? I love him. Basically, he said that my escapade last weekend kinda turned him off. I have an issue with that, but I won't get into that. He went on to say that he had read my blog and I had pretty much said everything anyway...if I can't see him or reach him, what's the point? And, yes...that's what I said (I also said we could be FWBs, fuck buddies, just friends whatever so it's not like I was just through with him totally). But, he was just so cold and nonchalant on the phone. It's like he never even cared about me. I've been sitting at home crying over him and he has just gone on with his life like I never existed. I feel so stupid!

Oh, the Possibilities

2009-05-25T18:58:00.008-05:00

Last night, Jay and I were heading home from an event at the zoo and we stopped by Melanie's house so they could meet. Jay was a little upset that Reginald got to "meet" Melanie first. Oh well...I can't go backwards. Anyway, we didn't stay long...maybe 15 minutes or so. We sat outside and talked. Today, I got a text from Melanie saying that Jay is nice and maybe we could play sometime. Uh...yeah! We can play whenever she wants! Of course, I tried to contain my enthusiasm so I wouldn't seen too excited...lol. I'm kinda pissed that Charles is not acting right. He could play too. Oh well....

Letting go

2009-05-24T13:06:00.000-05:00

I was talking to Melanie about Charles yesterday. I told her that I was through. I sent him an email earlier in the week telling him that I only expected one thing from him...to hear from him EVERY day, even if it's just a hello. He assured me that I was not asking for much and that he could handle that. Later in the week, he told me that his in-laws would be in town and that he would be able to get out over the weekend. I told him that I would be out Friday and Saturday. Based our past, I was not about to make any plans with him. So, I just told him to text or call if he was out and maybe we could hook up. Melanie has been asking every day since Friday if I've heard from him. No, I have not. It hit me yesterday that even if I just made him a fuck buddy or FWB, I wouldn't be able to get in touch with him when I needed some dick. Really, what's the use in trying to maintain this relationship? I don't see one, so I'm finished trying. If he calls and wants to hang out or have sex or whatever, I will if I'm not already busy. But, I'm through trying to be his girlfriend.

2+1 = FUN!

2009-05-23T18:39:00.003-05:00

Friday night while at dinner with some friends, I got a text from Reginald asking if I was free. Before I could answer him, I got a text from Melanie asking if I was still out. Long story short, I left dinner and went to Reginald's. He redeemed himself somewhat. It still wasn't as rough as I wanted but he was more aggressive than last time so that was good. We started with a blow job, fucked, and ended with me swallowing. I told him I had to go because I was supposed to be meeting Melanie. But, as I was about to leave, he decided that he wasn't finished so we had a quickie by the front door. He asked me to come back after I left Melanie's. I told him I'd see...no promises. I left his house and drove to Melanie's. She was sitting outside on her front porch and had a drink waiting on me when I got there (gotta love that girl). We hung out and talked for a little while then went to a club to meet a friend of hers that was in town. We had a drink and hung out for about an hour. She was debating on whether or not to follow her friend downtown. I suggested that we go by Reginald's instead. She had been hinting at us having sex all night. If we went back to her house, we'd have to be quiet because of her daughter. Reginald's house is less than 5 minutes from the club, so we went there. He fixed us some drinks. We talked for about 5 minutes before I started sucking his dick. Melanie wanted to smoke so we moved outside to his deck. I started sucking his dick again, then Melanie came up behind me and started kissing my neck and rubbing on my legs. I turned around and laid her on her back and started eating her pussy. Reginald told me to go sit on her face, so I did and he started fucking her. So, we're fucking and sucking and then Melanie decides to excuse herself because she wanted to watch us. So, Reginald and I finished up. We all got dressed and Melanie and I drove back to her house to get my car.

Side note to Charles...Before anything happened, Melanie made it perfectly clear that if she ate my pussy, I could not tell you. So, if you're reading (and I know you are), KEEP IT TO YOURSELF!!! I'm sure you know why.

Jay's Efforts

2009-05-20T16:15:00.002-05:00

For the longest, Jay had no interest in meeting anyone I was involved with. of course, my wish has always been that we both at least meet the other people in our lives. Well, the other day he asked for Charles's number. Realizing that I am in love with him has prompted him to decide to call and try to get to know him/understand our relationship. This is a HUGE step for him. So far, he says that he has tried to call twice, but Charles hasn't answered. One problem may be that they have opposite schedules...when Charles is working, Jay's home and vice versa. Hopefully, they will be able to talk soon. I can't want to find out what they talked about.

On another note...I've been thinking a lot lately about how I got to where I am. How did I end up in love with Charles? I have rules and I broke them. It was never my intention to do so. It just kinda happened. I was driving in the car the other day and Beyonce's song, Halo, came on and I had an OMG moment...that is exactly how I feel. I love my Baby, Charles! "Every rule I had you're breaking"

Yes, I Really Did Cry

2009-05-15T00:05:00.009-05:00

I was having my usual daily IM with Charles and decided, maybe foolishly (we'll have to wait and see) to open up my heart and let him take a peek inside. Here's an excerpt from our conversation.

Sunshine: I have a secret to tell you...come close.
Charles: what is it?
Sunshine: You're going to marry me...even if it's unofficially. So, maybe I should actually say you are going to make a commitment to be with me.
Sunshine: DAMN!!! Scared him away!
Charles: I want to marry you...did you know that?
Sunshine: really?
Charles: look who stopped whispering...
Charles: yes, I do
Charles: what do you think?
Sunshine: I had already changed my font back...lol
Sunshine: I'm shocked. Why do you want to?
Sunshine: I was serious about what I said, but I was kinda thinking you had to get to that point...maybe in a couple of years.
Charles: I can see myself being happy with you
Sunshine: but what makes you think you'd be happy?
Charles: I know you're lifestyle and I think about the things that Jay is not comfortable with
Charles: those are the things that turn me on
Charles: I know what makes you happy and I just know you're getting what makes you happy...in turn satisfies me
Charles: I murdered that sentence
Charles: never mind
Sunshine: lol
Charles: kids are pulling on me as I'm typing
Charles: you know what I'm trying to say!!!!!!!!!!!
Sunshine: I think I understood.
Charles: LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Charles: that's funny
Sunshine: ok, be back...I gotta go cry. You make me all sappy and crap...ugh!
Sunshine: doesn't help Lenny Williams* is playing right now.
Charles: I love you Baby...
Charles: I want you...
Charles: I need you...
Charles: marry me one day...
Charles: I'll be back in a little while Baby...think about it...
Charles has signed out. (5/14/2009 2:56 PM)

*

I'm Not Telling

2009-05-13T07:00:00.000-05:00

I know I promised to come back with details from Saturday night, but I've decided to keep this one to myself. I'm not sure why, but it felt special and I want to hold on to it just a little while longer. So, for now, you'll have to live with the highlights.

I did see Charles. I got a text from Melanie when I was on my way over there. She said that she was coming, but then changed her mind. Oh well...maybe one day. As for my time with Charles, it was wonderful. There was sex and cuddling and talking and more sex and sleeping and more sex and then he threw me out and sent me back home. (He didn't really throw me out, but I know he's reading and he'll get the joke.)

TMI Tuesday

2009-05-12T17:14:00.002-05:00

1. Which traits from your parents do you see in yourself?
From my mom, I can get along with just about anyone regardless of the background, race, socio-economic level, etc. I think I have my dad's temper, but I've been working on that and it's gotten better.

2. Which traits from you/your partner do you see in your children (if you don't have kids, which would you like to see)?
Physically, all of my kids look like me. They are all inquisitive and have a thirst for knowledge. As for the not-so-good character traits, they sometimes have smart mouths and can be impatient.

3. How did you get the birds-and-bees talk?
I never got that talk. My grandmother tried to have it with me when I was around 12. It was too late by then. I told her I already knew, so she asked me to tell her what it was I thought I knew. So, I did. That was the end of the talk.

4. What was your favorite childhood book?
Peter's Chair by Ezra Jack Keats and The Pokey Little Puppy

5. What is your favorite piece of erotic literature?
The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty by A. N. Roquelaure (Anne Rice)

Bonus: What is the one thing you wish you could go back and tell yourself as a child?
Explore different professional options, girl!!!

Double Bonus: If your life were a book or movie, what would the title be?
Just Me, Drama-free

While the Cats Away

2009-05-09T17:34:00.004-05:00

Charles's wife left town this morning. She's going to visit her mom for Mother's Day. So, I'll be hanging out with him tonight. I tried to convince him to ask his friend, Melanie, to join us. I doubt if that happens, but I think it could get real interesting if it did.

Of course, I will be back with details as soon as possible.

HNT - The Eyes Have It

2009-05-07T10:23:00.003-05:00

Since I showed off Charles and my Sir's eyes, I thought I'd keep up the trend and post Jay's eyes today. I live the way they look when he's sad. It's when he's most vulnerable and it feels like I can just see all the way into the depths of his soul. Happy HNT everyone!!

TMI Tuesday

2009-05-05T09:00:00.002-05:00

1. Have you ever bought a membership to a porn site? If yes, what is the most recent one and did you like it?
Yes...Hentai Movie Planet...If you're into hentai it's worth it.

2. Would you rather watch a erotic/porn movie, read a story, or listen to an audio? Why?
Read a story...the mental picture I get in my head turns me on more than anything else.

3. If you have a significant other what do you do for each other to get in the mood? If you don't what would you kind of thing could a future potential long term partner do to get you in the mood?
I'm real flirty so I'll flirt with him or rub up against him to try to get a rise (pun intended). He has a few tricks to get me hot, but I won't post those. They're just between us.

4. When it comes to sex, how much do you talk about it with others? How comfortable are you talking about sex?
Well, I talk about it here all the time, so I'd say A LOT. I'm pretty comfortable talking about sex.

5. What are the last 5 things you search for on Google (or another search engine)?
moorhens (for a kid), voles (again, for a kid), snoring, spider bite, Chrisette Michele

Bonus: Have you ever had a fantasy that you were ashamed of?
Nope.

After the Sex

2009-05-04T22:12:00.003-05:00

After I visited Reginald the other day, I called my Sir. He asked my to put what occurred on that call into words and email it to him, which I did. Here's the email...

I haven't yet, but I will eventually put this in my blog. I know it's short, but I swear it's all just a daze (in a good way). I remember you saying something about me being "so willing"...what was that again? Beyond that, I have no clue. I kinda get caught up in the fact that I'm hearing your voice that the conversations end up a blur. (stop laughing at me)

I pulled into the parking lot and parked. I unbuttoned my jeans, laid back my seat, and slid my hand inside. My Sir was on the phone and he wanted to hear me cum.

"Rub that pussy," he said. "I hear about everything you do for everyone else, it's time you did something for me."

And, so I did. Sitting in the front seat of my SUV, I rubbed my clit and fingered my pussy all for my Sir's enjoyment. I imagined him there next to me, leading me into ecstasy. I could hear his voice in my ear guiding me, but I couldn't concentrate in his words. Occasionally between my moans and screams, I would hear him say, "cum for your Sir" and I did...over and over and over. Each time I came, he would say, "Don't stop. I didn't tell you you were through. Keep cumming. I want you to feel what it's like to cum for your Sir." I can't begin to say how many times I came. The orgasms came back to back again and again with mounting intensity until I could take it no more and finally I had to stop. I pulled my hand from inside my soaked panties, but the waves kept coming. Finally, they subsided and I buttoned my jeans.

"If you were here...," he said.

If I were there...

Thank you for my afternoon, Sir. I can't wait for the next time.

Drunk Sex

2009-05-02T20:29:00.004-05:00

I'm really not in a writing mood today. I'm kinda bummed out. I went out for dinner and drinks with my cousin last night. Charles was supposed to meet us. I had spoken to him earlier in the day and he assured me that he would see me. I'm sure you already know where this is going. Yep, he was a no-show. I sent him a text a little after midnight. It said...It's been nice. Hit me up when you get your shit together. Now, that doesn't mean that I'll never see Charles again. I'll be here for him as a friend. We may even be fuck buddies one day, but I will no longer go out of my way to fit him into my life.

On a different note, I apparently had really great sex last night. I just wish I could remember it. I have never gotten so drink that I do not remember what happened...until last night. When I got home last night, Jay was on the computer. I climbed into his lap, laid my head on his shoulder and told him that I love him. He returned the sentiment. I remember nothing after that until approximately and hour and a half later (according to Jay). I was in my bed lying on my back with my head was towards the bottom of the bed and my feet on my pillows. The part of the covers that was under my shoulders was soaking wet (I had apparently cum A LOT prior to this.), so I shifted my position slightly. My hand was on my pussy and I was fiercely rubbing my clit. I also remember Jay turning me so that I was lying across the bed. With his head between my legs and my fingers playing, I came hard...and very loudly (as evidenced by Jay's need to cover my mouth so I wouldn't wake the kids). I have no idea what happened after that. I woke up around 10am. I scooched over in bed and cuddled up under Jay in that playful way that I do when I want some loving. He giggled and asked if I was still horny. I shook my head. You know we were going at it for hours, right? Uh, no. I then explained that I had very little memory of our time together. He laughed and supplied the details along with the assurance that he took a few photos.

Later in the day, Jay made this comment...It's good Charles didn't meet you last night. Then, he would have had all the fun instead of me. I t had to agree. It was definitely Charles's loss and Jay's gain and I have no complaints about that.

my Sir

2009-04-30T09:30:00.003-05:00

Last week, I posted a picture of Charles, who refers to himself as 'My Baby'. So, today, I thought I'd let you have a peek at my Sir. Now, keep in mind, that I haven't even seen him in person. I do, however, possess numerous pictures of him. One of the first things that I noticed in his pictures was the intensity of his eyes. They seem to be staring into your soul (at least to me they do). I just love them.

I am the one you call after that other muthafucca you're giving pussy to
That same one that doesn’t eat pussy but cums once and bounces,
Leaving you still wanting and needing

I am the one that will make you remember why you were born a woman...
~my Sir

Sunshine in Need

2009-04-29T22:33:00.003-05:00

I must have been putting out some strong vibes today because men kept popping up.

First, I fucked Reginald. Then, I had phone sex with my Sir. I returned home to Jay who apologized for something stupid (on his knees, no less). There was Charles who professed his love and assured me that he wasn't going anywhere. As night fell, I received an email from Ted who wanted to know where I've been hiding. Apparently, he's been missing me. And then there was Nate...

I've never talked about Nate. We met on a message board over the holidays. A group of us would chat for hours at a time, mostly about sex. Our sex chats eventually led to IM/web cam chats and more times than not the web cam shows starred Nate. He'd set a time and all of the women would tune in to see his dick tricks. I swear, he can make it twirl and whirl around. We'd encourage him with our words and be oh-so-satisfied when he would cum for us. That message board is now all but defunct. The holidays ended and everyone slowly returned to the real world. Some have disappeared altogether, but some have remained friends. There have even been quite a few sexual pairings to sprout from our time together. Of all the people, I'd lost touch with, I think I missed Nate the most. He used to call me his 'ride or die' because we clicked from day one. I once told him if we lived in the same city we'd be out chasing women together every weekend. So, it was a very pleasant surprise to see the IM from Nate pop up on my screen. It was an even bigger pleasure to see Nate's dick pop up on my screen. And, never being one to disappoint, I was honored with a private viewing to end my day.

In the words of Ice Cube...It was a Good Day.

The Return of Reginald

2009-04-29T21:03:00.002-05:00

I had not seen Reginald in about 3 months so I was looking forward to today. I had been instructed to wear a dress or skirt with heels, no panties, and to arrive at 11 SHARP. I was a little late. As I was driving to his house, I received a text.

Reginald: It's 11:04

Me: I know. I had to stop to change clothes because somebody wanted me to wear a skirt and heels.

Reginald: OK...that shouldn't affect the time...u r not a good sub

I arrived at his house shortly after that. As soon as I walked through the door, he slapped me across the ass for being late. Pretty quickly, I was led to the bedroom. "Get on your knees."

I took his dick in my mouth. The familiar feel was exciting. Oh, how I'd missed him. "I want you to cum." I only need to be told once...done.

He pulled back and went to get a condom. "Bend over and grab your ankles."

He slid his dick into my pussy. I stood a little, bending the top of my body over the bed. "I'm going to fuck you in the ass." OK

Slowly he slid into my ass. "Does that hurt?" No..."Arch your back" Back arched. "Open your legs a little" Open.

Oh, how I've missed being fucked in the ass.

Our morning continued in this manner...bent over, standing up, sitting, lying down. In a number of different positions and places, we got reacquainted. "I would love to have sex with you ever day..."

It wasn't until after that I realized that I hadn't gotten the rough sex I was promised. There was no chocking or restraining, or even demanding tones. I wonder if that was done on purpose so that I'd be more eager to come back. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't. If it was, there was no need. I always want to go back to Reginald.

Texting for Sex

2009-04-25T02:15:00.010-05:00

Me: Hey

Reginald: Hey

Me: What r u doing?

Reginald: in (the same city 3 hours away that my Sir was in earlier this week...WTH?)

Me: When will you be back?

Reginald: Sunday

Me: You miss me?

Reginald: Of course

Me: Can I come over next week?

Reginald: Yes...r u allowed?

Me: I haven't asked yet. I miss you. I wanted to make sure you still wanted me first.

Reginald: Oh ok...u r wanted.

That was our text message from earlier tonight. I miss Reginald. I miss the simplicity of our meetings. I need to be fucked...choked...spanked. I need to swallow some cum, get dressed and take my ass home...no chit chat, no cuddling, just fuck and go. There is something to be said for mindless sex. Monday can't come soon enough.

The Call

2009-04-24T11:41:00.005-05:00

My Sir called me this morning. We have been emailing, texting, and IMing for almost 4 months now. One of the very first things he told me was, "The first thing a submissive must learn is patience." Every time I have mentioned that I would like to hear his voice, he has replied by saying something like, "It's not time yet. When the time is right you will hear me." This week, he was 3 hours away from me, but his schedule was so packed that he did not get an opportunity to drive down to see me. He's back home now. When I awoke this morning, I sent my usual text.

Me: Good morning Sir

my Sir: Good morning baby...how are you? (The city he visited) was great and I meant to surprise you with a call but we stayed busy...

Me: I'm glad you enjoyed it. A call would have been a great surprise. Are you back home now?

my Sir: Yes I am. When you have a quiet moment, let me know.

Me: Now...everyone's still sleep.

And, then it happened...the phone rang. My Sir was calling me. I was excited and nervous all at the same time. I had been waiting for this moment for so long and now it was here. And, it was so wonderful. We talked just like we text. It was so natural. The excitement never left though. When I told him that I was excited, his response was to say that told him how wet I was. I let him know that I was wet from the moment I answered the phone. His voice is deep, like I expected. He asked why I thought it would be deep. I told him it had to be deep so that he could command all the women. He just laughed and said that a deep voice is not necessary. I asked if he could imagine women following around someone with Michael Jackson's voice. He laughed. I think he got my point.

I finally time to go wake the kids. He told me to go on and take care of the kids, that I could call him later. I can call him later? Really? It honestly never occurred to me that this would not be just a one-time thing. I never thought that I would be allowed to call him back. I was shocked. I made him repeat it.

I am such a happy woman right now. Jay's in a good mood, Charles's wife has stopped harassing me and (according to him) finally heard what he's been trying to say, and my Sir called me.

Now, I am off to enjoy the nice, warm weather and bask in my happiness.

HNT - I Wanna Ta Ta You Baby

2009-04-23T09:10:00.008-05:00

My cellphone takes awful pictures. It doesn't have a flash so unless I am outside the pictures come out REALLY dark. Normally that's a pain, but for today's purposes it works. As I laid in Charles's arms last week, knowing that what we'd just done was so wrong, I felt so right. So right that I wanted a picture to remember the moment. Unfortunately, I had left my camera in the car (for the second time that day). So, I whipped out my phone and snapped a few shots of 'My Baby' and here he is.

I wanted to add this video, but the embedding feature was disabled by the poster, so you'll have to visit YouTube to see it...sorry.

I had this set to auto post before all the drama this week. I debated whether to let it go on and post or to put something else (or even nothing) up instead. I decided to let it stay as is.

Sad

2009-04-22T21:27:00.005-05:00

The title says it all. Charles and I were IMing in Yahoo when he got ready to leave work.

Charles: I'm getting ready to leave. She's (the wife) calling me. I'll let you know where I'm staying.

Me: Call me

Charles: I will

Well, it's almost 10, so I think that I can safely assume that Charles went home. And, I'm sad about that. Last week, he told me that he loves me and that he wanted to spend the next 50 years with me. As crazy as that sounds, considering that I'm married, I planned on doing it. I planned on being there for Charles as much as I could for as long as I he allowed. When I told him how I felt about him, I meant it. When it comes to emotions I don't give myself easily. I love him and I want to be able to talk to him, to see him, to hold him, to make love to him. But, I know I can't...he's there and I'm here...and that makes me sad.

Fear of the Unknown

2009-04-22T18:57:00.005-05:00

When Jay and I were going through our issues, there were dozens of times that I thought about leaving...even packed my bag (or had him pack his). But, it never lasted more than a day because I was terrified of what the next step would be. We were going through some things, we were arguing a lot, but in my heart I knew I loved my husband and I liked my life. My kids were happy. I was happy being a stay-at-home mom. If I left, I would have to go back to work. My degree is not in something that I care to go back to doing full-time so that was not a pleasurable thought. My kids are currently homeschooled so that would mean putting them back in public school, also not a pleasant idea. I felt the grass would most likely be brown on the other side. So, in the end, I stayed. Looking back, I'm glad that I did. As you know, it turned out that Jay was not totally responsible for his actions. It hasn't been an easy road since his diagnosis, but it is getting a lot better. So, much better that when I told him about Charles's wife knowing about me, he just said, "Okay. Is this going to be an issue?" After I answered no, that was it.

From the first paragraph, you may assume that this blog entry is about me...it's not. It's about Charles. Since his wife was unable to reach me by phone yesterday, she resorted to texting me. I won't get into what her texts said, but basically she wanted me to provide an "explanation". I simply replied and told her that whatever issues they have are between them and there is nothing that she and I need to discuss. She eventually got the message (I think) and after about 3 or 4 text, she gave up. Later when I talked to Charles, I asked him where he stayed last night. He had packed a bag before leaving home yesterday and was supposed to be staying at a hotel. Well, apparently, his wife called last night and said that her car was acting up, her cell phone was dead (probably from trying to call me all day) and she wasn't sure if she was going to make it home. So, he met her and followed her home. Because it was so late, he stayed. Can you say ploy?

Anyway, today, he said the same thing...he wasn't going back home. I didn't believe him. I didn't tell him that, but what I did tell him was that I think he doesn't want to leave. He admitted that doesn't want to leave his kids. But, I told him that I think it's deeper than that. I think that he has a fear of the unknown. As awful as it may be, he knows what his life will be like from day to day at home, but he has no idea what it would be like if he left. I completely understand that feeling. Unfortunately, that means that he will probably stay in a situation that makes him unhappy. Last week, when we were lying in bed, he asked me what he could give me. I told him that I didn't want him to give me anything. I wanted him to do something for me...I want him to be happy. I meant that.

Whether Charles stays or leaves, I want him to be happy. The one thing I do know is if he stays, our relationship has no choice but to change. Before, we were talking and texing daily. We saw each other, but his wife didn't know. Now, we would be trying to see each other/talk to each other/text each other knowing that his wife knows about our relationship and does not want it to continue. We would still have to hide and sneak like before (hopefully better), but it would be so much harder. She will constantly be snooping, looking for signs of his infidelity. That's no way to live. I love Charles, but I could not knowingly put him in that type of position. As painful as it would be, I would have to let him go.

TMI Tuesday

2009-04-21T12:23:00.000-05:00

1. Marriage and children aside, what has been your greatest accomplishment in life?
Graduating from college...getting my undergrad and master's degrees

2. Aside from healthy and happy children, what is your greatest ambition for the future?
I have always wanted get my PhD.

3. If we were to enter your real name in a search engine, what would we find?
Let's see...a couple of articles that I wrote, my Facebook page, and information about a volunteer project I coordinate.

4. Who is the most famous person you ever met (not just in the same room as, but actually spoke with)?
I'm coming up with a blank right now. I have a famous uncle. I can't say who. That would give too big of a hint about my identity. Other than him, I can't think of anyone I've met and talked to.
Oh, wait...I just remembered. I've met and talked to Holly Robinson Peete.

5. Parents aside, who is your biggest hero?
I don't really have a hero per say. I do admire those people who live their lives as they see fit whether society approves or not. I think it takes a lot of guts to put your happiness above society's expectations. Very few people are able to do that.

6. Someone once worked out the sexual version of Six Degrees of Separation - Celebrity A slept with B, who slept with C, who slept with D, making as sort of connection between A and D. Are you connected to anyone famous through six or fewer bonks? I don't think so, but then I don't really follow who other people sleep with.

I Broke My Rules

2009-04-21T10:14:00.002-05:00

The more I sit and think about my morning, the more I realize that I broke my own rules. I trusted Charles and I let my guard down. I still don't know how this story will end but I do know that I will be a lot more careful in the future.

The Wife Knows About Me

2009-04-21T09:21:00.005-05:00

I sent Charles a text last night (not the first time I've sent one in the evening) and his wife saw it. I got a call last night from a number I didn't know. I never answer local numbers that I don't recognize. I figure if it's someone I know calling from a new or different number they'll leave a message and I'll call them back. No message was left. The first three digits were the same as his and I instantly thought it was her. I went on to bed and thought nothing of it. The calls started again this morning...6 total. They came way too early in the morning for me to even be thinking about answering the phone so again she was out of luck. In the midst of the phone calls from her, I received a text from Charles that said, "She has your #. Don't answer (her number) or mine." I hadn't planned on it anyway, but okay. Then I get a voicemail. Apparently, one of the calls had been from him. He confirms what I suspected...she saw the text. He went on to say that things are unstable with him and it best that we don't talk*. Okaaaay....

Since then, I've received 2 calls from her job. I didn't answer those either. I'm not sure how to feel about this. I'm not mad. I do wonder why a person who is cheating would leave their phone somewhere where their spouse would see it, but then again I was technically not supposed to be texting him at night (Even though, like I said I have in the past.). It does make me wonder if he might have left it out on purpose, even subconsciously. I may never know. I was sad when I heard his voicemail. I fought back the tears and didn't cry though. Things were never supposed to go this way. I was not supposed to have any feelings for him, but I do.

I'm sure some of you are wondering how I feel about the wife. I don't feel anything. I am a true believer that a person cheats after there are already problems in the marriage. If a marriage falls apart, then the cheating is a symptom, not a cause. Charles and his wife had problems before I came in the picture and even if I never see him again, they will continue to have problems. I do think that it is stupid for her to be calling me. Her issue is not with me, it's with him. Nothing she could say to me will change what's going on with them. So, she can call all she wants. I won't answer. And, if by chance I accidentally do one day, I will let her know that she needs to take up her argument with Charles, not me. I don't do drama...never have and I will not be starting today.

*I later learned that his wife had insisted that he call and leave me a message.

What Do I Do With Him?

2009-04-20T20:57:00.003-05:00

Yesterday, I took down my post about Charles and today I received a text from him. It said, "Where's my blog go?"...LOL. I honestly didn't think he'd notice. None of the men I talk about read my blog, not even Jay. Apparently, Charles does...faithfully. He says that he uses it as a means to stay connected to me since we can't always be together. Well, ain't that sweet.

I don't know what to do with him. I really like him, but he's married. He's contemplated leaving his wife. His children are keeping him there. (His wife has no family ties here and could easily pack up the kids and move if they were to get a divorce.) Part of me would like for him to leave her because that would mean that he would be more available to me. The other part of me thinks that's crazy because I'm married myself and can't be there for him all the time. How can I ask that of him? But, when I want to hear his voice, I want to be able to call him and hear it or at the very least leave a message and not have to wait until he's at work for him to call me back.

I did have a few moments of guilt this weekend. I had sex in his bed!! What was I thinking? That is the bed that he shares with his wife. That wasn't right. If Jay brought someone to our home without my knowledge and had sex in our bed, I would be so hurt. I'm sure she would be as well if she ever found out. The thing is I can't honestly say that if the opportunity presented itself I wouldn't do it again. What does that say about me?

When I talked to him today, I told him that I do not know what to do with him. And, I don't. I don't know where this is going, but for now, I'm willing to stay on the ride.

Our First Time

2009-04-15T21:13:00.004-05:00

I went to Charles's house today. All I can say is the dining room table will never look the same to me again. As I sat in the edge of the table, Charles sat in a chair in front of me, lifted my skirt and buried his head in my pussy. He licked and sucked and I came...over and over and over, gripping the table and the back of his head. I wanted so bad for him to fuck me right there on the table but I couldn't move from that spot. It felt too good. Eventually I did though. I climbed down and sat in his lap. And I kissed him. I love kissing him! And, I don't kiss anyone except Jay. It's such an intimate act, so full of feelings and emotions. But, I kiss Charles.

There I was, straddled across his lap kissing him, unbuttoning his sheet, rubbing my hands across the hair on his chest, sucking and biting his nipples. I unbuttoned his pants and made my way down to the floor. I took his dick in my mouth and sucked it. I wanted him so bad. CONDOMS!!! Yep, there were none. I had never replenished the supply I keep in my truck and he had none. So, we cut things short and headed out the door. I hadn't eaten so I stopped and got a burger then we headed to the drug store. He went in to buy condoms while I ate. Then, we headed back to his house.

He went upstairs while I finished eating. I found him in his bedroom. We undressed and I climbed on the bed. He proceeded to use his tongue again and once again I came. I wanted him inside me and he wanted me on top (forgot to tell him that is not my favorite position). He laid down and I climbed on and rode him...fast, slow, hard, and soft. We kept rhythm and time and came together. It was great, so great that we laid there in each others arms until he was soft...yep, we forgot about the condom which ended up in me when I rolled over. (Clean up on aisle 9...lol)

After a quick trip to the bathroom, we climbed back in bed and held each other and talked. He wanted to know what happens if Jay never fully accepts our relationship. I wanted to know what he was planning to do about his marriage. We talked about his friends and what they thought of us. We talked and talked. Then, we kissed and kissed and went in for round two...him on top, him from the back, whispered emotions, orgasmic moans and screams. And, when we finished, we laid in each others arms and talked some more.

I would have loved to stay there all day...in his arms, making love to him. But, reality called and so we had to end our rendezvous. We're already looking forward to the next one.

HNT - All Dressed Up & Nowhere to Go

2009-04-09T09:03:00.005-05:00

About a month or so ago, Jay and I decided to visit our local BDSM dungeon. It was supposed to be a very small informal night. We figured we'd go then just to get a feel for the place when it wasn't crowded...see what all was there and whether we would be interested in going back on a busy night. So, we get dressed and head out. We get to the secret location, ring the doorbell...no answer. We knock on the door...no answer. We ring and knock a few more times, still no luck. So, we finally leave. At this point, I'm a little pouty. I was looking forward to going and if nothing else getting spanked. So, Jay turns the car around to try again. This time, he leaves me in the car. When he returns, he explains that the email I received was missing some information. Apparently, their is someone who works the door from 8-9pm. After that, you have to RSVP with your arrival time in order to get in. So, when we arrived at 11pm, no one was at the door, there were only 3 people inside and they were all involved in a scene so they couldn't come to the door. We did get to see pictures of the scene. They had tied on woman up with rope and suspended her from the ceiling. I would have loved to see it in person.

We ended up going to a crappy strip club that night and then home. Jay did spank me in the confines of our own bedroom and we promised to return to the dungeon on day. Our schedules have not allowed that yet, but I am looking forward to it.

Happy HNT!!! Be sure to check out everyone else and also visit .

I Hate Repeating Myself

2009-04-08T18:50:00.006-05:00

Have you ever gotten to a point where you are tired of saying the same thing over and over? Well, I'm about there.

I went to new guy's job today. We'll call him Charles. I finally decided to let Saturday go. He had a sick child and while I still think that he was inconsiderate, I can see how calling me was not in the forefront of his mind. Besides, I am working on keeping my emotions in check so the event has kinda helped me with that. I'm more cautious about getting in too deep than I was before.

While I'd love to keep talking about Charles and his big, juicy, kissable lips, this entry is about something else. When I got home Jay asked about my day and how things went with Charles. I told him it was quite innocent, most of our time was spent talking. We then moved on to a trip I have to make this summer to attend a conference. While he really would like to go with me, it may not be feasible. He finally decides that he and the kids will not tag along since I will not have a lot of free time. He then adds, "And, you can't be meeting anyone else up there either." He goes on to say that he knows that's what I would immediately think to do (He's right.) and that after spending 4 days in a hotel room with another man he doesn't know if he could stay married to me. Huh? I had no words. I just looked at him...convinced that he was kidding. He then goes on to say how he feels like our whole situation will eventually leave him in a position where I don't have anything else left for him after I've given to all of my other men.

I had no reply. I'm tired of repeating myself, so I just stayed quiet. He went on to say that having other men in my life makes him not even feel like finding a woman. It depresses him and leaves him with no interests to pursue anyone of his own. Uh huh...again, no words from me. It's just getting real old. There is not much that I hate more than having to repeat myself over and over. So, today, I was just quiet. Inside though, I am screaming and pulling my hair out.

TMI Tuesday

2009-04-07T22:49:00.003-05:00

1. Have you ever had a sexual experience with the opposite sex? Yes

2. When you see someone you like, how do you act, how do you get their attention? I'm actually very shay in person. I rarely try to get the attention of someone I don't know.

3. Dominate or dominated, which do you prefer? Dominated, though I do not have an issue with occasionally being the dominant one.

4. Would you/ Have you ever had a threesome? If you read my blog on a regular basis, then you already know the answer to this one. For those who don't...YES and I'm eagerly awaiting the next one that happens to come my way!

5. When was the last time you had sex? Saturday night/Sunday morning (It was "OMG, what did you just do to me 'cause I'm crying in a good way" sex. Haven't decided if I want to blog about it yet though.)

6. Sex on the first date...good or bad? Not good or bad...If two people are feeling each other like that , then I say go for it. If not,assuming there's a second date, there will be another chance.

7. Do you have any random or out of the ordinary turn ons? Maybe because Jay rarely helps out around the house, but watching a man cook and/or clean turns me on. Also, certain songs make me want to jump someone RIGHT NOW!

8. What attributes attract you to a potential partner. If we're talking relationship, then honesty, sincerity, drama-free, acceptance of me & my lifestyle. If we're just talking about a sexual partner, can he fuck well and not get too attached is really all I need to know.

Stood Up

2009-04-06T10:14:00.004-05:00

I got stood up. In the 36 years that I have been alive, I have never been stood up. I have gotten last minute calls/emails/texts to say that the person was delayed or needed to reschedule, but I have never had anyone to just not show...until Saturday. I met a new guy online. We've talked and emailed and texted for about 3 weeks or so and hit it off pretty well. Saturday would have been our first time meeting face-to-face. I really excited. Jay was finally okay with me going out with another man. He told me to dress cute, have fun, and come back and tell him all about it. I was nervous because I haven't actually dated anyone since I was married, but I was also very excited. I liked this guy a lot. I had already warned him that I was hesitant about getting emotionally involved with a married and because I didn't want to fall for him only to realize he couldn't fall with me.
We'd arranged to meet at a jazz club/restaurant. I arrived, sent him a text to let him know I was there...no answer. After sending repeated texts and calling several times, I left. I sent Jay a text to let him know that I was headed back home. He told me to come hang out and have drinks with him instead. So, I head across town to where he was. As I was pulling in the parking lot, new guy sends me a text. So, as Jay and I are enjoying our drinks, I'm texting back and forth. New guy is down the street from the club at his friends and asks me to come there. At first, I say no...I'm hanging with jay now after all. But, I'm pissed and I need to get some things off my chest. I convince Jay that I need to go see new guy...just to tell him off...and I will be home in an hour. I head back across town to new guy's friends apartment and I lay into him. I explain that I am very understanding. I know my role. I understand things come up, kids get sick, wives (yes, he's married) throw a fit, etc., etc., etc. What I do not understand is inconsiderate people. I don't mind sharing a man, but I'm spoiled and I'm selfish with my time. When it is my time to be with you, it is my time. If something is going to keep you from giving me my time then at least have the decency to let me know. He didn't do that. As much as I wanted to stay and hang out with him, I couldn't. I couldn't start things off that way. If I did, he would feel like that was okay all the time and I know me. My feelings would get hurt and after the first couple of times, things would get real ugly, real fast. I'd just rather not go there.

I had planned to stop the story here, but I just got an IM from new guy. He feels that he needs to get his house in order. He doesn't think that he can give me the time or attention that I need or that he wants to give (his words, not mine). I just said ok. I'm hurt...I trusted that he knew what he was doing. I feel like I was led on and I'm going to miss talking to him during the day. I'm sad...I really thought he was boyfriend material (despite being married...I know). And, I'm a little pissed. This is something he should have handled beforehand. Why am I the one who has to get punished because he didn't take care of his business? At this point, it's whatever. I hope he gets his life together, but I can't promise I'll still be interested when/if that happens.

Edited, once a again to say...This is also the first time someone has broken up with me. I am just in shock over here.

TMI Tuesday

2009-03-31T09:51:00.004-05:00

1. Have you ever sent or received a sext message?
Yes, quite often.

2. Have you ever made or received a booty call?
Uh, duh...do you read my blog?

3. Have you ever added or edited a word/entry to Wikipedia or Urban Dictionary or any other online reference?
Nope...I do not have the patience to research and cite sources. If I answered it would all be my opinion or what I heard via word of mouth and that would not be good.

4. At what age did you have your first consensual sexual experience?
13

5. What has been the greatest age difference between you a consensual sexual partner?
18 years...I was 18, he was 36.

Bonus (as in optional): Why do you blog?
Blogging is my way of journaling. It helps get my emotions and ideas out of my head. There are things in my blogs that, for various reasons, I cannot talk to friends about. It provides a much needed release.

Hi Ho, Hi Ho...It's Off to Work We Go

2009-03-30T08:46:00.003-05:00

Jay went to work today. Now, I know that seems like a normal everyday thing and it should. But, like many of our fellow Americans, Jay has been unemployed for a while. And, by a while, I mean since September. So, it's been six months since he has had to wake up early, get dressed, and head out into the world.

In addition to that, over the weekend, he decided to reach out to my Sir and let him know that he was okay with our long-distance relationship. He also said that I could pursue a true polyamorous relationship with the new guy I met. Jay is putting his fear and insecurity aside and stepping out on faith. Things are looking good.

I Love My Church

2009-03-23T13:16:00.002-05:00

Have I said that before? Jay and I have been visiting this church since late August. I knew from day one that I really liked the church, but I've been hesitant to join. I knew if I joined, Jay would join, and since I wasn't so sure where we were headed I didn't want to make that commitment. Well, we went to see the pastor last week to tell her the good news about Jay's diagnosis (Yes, I consider it good news.) and to let her know that I was ready to join the church. Of course, Jay said that he was ready also. So, we will be joining the church on Easter Sunday. YAY!!!

Jay missed church yesterday. He had taken his medicine late and was still groggy. So, the kids and I went without him. Our church service is set up so that the kids are in the sanctuary during the beginning, but before the adult sermon, they have their own mini-sermon then go downstairs to play which means I would be sitting through most of the service alone. Before service started, I was talking to one of the members and I told her that I need to get boyfriend or girlfriend so that I can have someone to sit with me at church when Jay can't make it. She just laughed and not a fake laugh either. She knew I was serious and was perfectly okay with it. Thus, why I love my church.

Now, if I could just (1) convince Jay that a boyfriend is just as non-threatening as a girlfriend and (2) find a boyfriend or girlfriend. I met someone who may be a good fit, but it's way too early to tell.

TMI Tuesday

2009-03-17T13:10:00.005-05:00

1. Don't tell us what it is, but do you have a sexual secret you have never told anyone?

While I do not go about blabbing my sex life to everyone, I'm pretty much an open book, so I think I can safely say no. I've never done anything that I am ashamed of or regret having done. I may not tell a person's name, but for the most part if the subject of "what did you do" comes up, I'll share honestly. That being said, I do not share equally. How in-depth the information shared is depends on who I'm sharing it with.

2. Do you have a nonsexual secret you have never told anyone?

Only one, but it involves another person and could get them in trouble so I would probably never tell unless absolutely necessary.

3. Did you ever tell someone a secret only to have them spill it? What were the repercussions?

I don't really have secrets so spilling one would not be an issue. Though I can't think of a time that this has happened, I do have an issue with gossiping. It is one thing to tell information about me that is relevant to the conversation you're having. It is quite another to tell information just for the sake of telling what you know.

4. Did you ever spill a secret someone told you? What were the repercussions?

No...I may be an open book when it comes to my own life, but not with others.

5. Tell us a secret someone told you, however along ago, that you've never told. (You can disguise name or details)

Because I do not discriminate against married or involved men, I know about quite a few affairs. Of course,this is mainly because I've been directly involved in them. However, I always talk about these affairs with Jay, most times with a close cousin, and of course here in my blog. So, I would not consider them totally secret.

The Calm After the Storm

2009-03-17T11:44:00.002-05:00

If you had asked me last week if I thought Jay and I would stay married, my answer would have been "AW, HELL NAW!" I had gotten to my last straw and if it were not for the fact that I do not work and therefore have no money, I would have divorced him months, if not years, ago. But then, he went to the doctor. I know that I said I was going to wait to tell what the doctor said. Well, he has started telling people so I feel like it's okay to share now. Jay was diagnosed as bipolar. He has bipolar II which is a lesser form of the disorder. People in this category have hypomania instead of the full-blown mania. As I've been researching, I've come to realize that so much of Jay's behavior over the last few years can be explained by this disease. It saddens me that we have lost so much of our lives simply because we did not know. It is also a huge relief. Over the last few years, I have often told friends that Jay is a totally different person, not at all like the man I married. He had turned into a complete asshole. Come to find out, he couldn't help it and, for the most part, didn't even realize he was doing it.

Jay was prescribed Symbyax and when I say the change has been like night and day, I am not exaggerating. The first few days he slept a lot, but when he was awake he was a much calmer Jay. We have not argued and he is now more in-tune with his feelings. He will ask for a moment when he feels like something is going to upset him. I am so proud of him and how he is taking this seriously.

We have been discussing being poly and what that means to both of us. He did ask me to stop seeing other men while we work on us and I have done that. While I do miss Reginald and my Sir, I do not miss them as much as I thought I would. And, that is because I have my old Jay back. Yesterday, we made love and it was the BEST sex I have ever had. It even included oral AND anal, which if you have been reading you know those two things have been a HUGE issue for us.

So, for now, Sunshine is happy and shining.

I Want You to Take It

2009-03-13T00:08:00.002-05:00

I wrote this a little while ago, but I'm just now getting around to publishing it. Enjoy!

I have no willpower. Reginald is back in town from his latest business trip. I was out his way this afternoon so I sent him a text to see if he was back. I offered to come by, but he was heading out so I asked if he'd be in tonight after 10. Around 9:45 this evening, I got a text from him. He wanted to know if I was still out because he was home. Of course, I ended up going by. As I was driving over, he asked me what I wanted. I reminded him that he was supposed to take "it" the next time he saw me. That's exactly what he did. He put his hand over my mouth as soon as I walked through the door. He bit my ear (hard...ouch!) and pulled my clothes off. He grabbed my hair and asked me if I wanted him to fuck me. I said yes. When I tried to talk, he told me that I could only speak when spoken to. Then he spanked me hard. So hard I had to cry out. He pulled me by the hair into the bedroom. He asked if I wanted to suck his dick. I said yes and he told me to get on my knees. I did as I was told and sucked his dick. Then he told me to lick his balls and play with my pussy to get it wet. I tried to tell him it was wet before I even walked through the door but he told me to shut up. He had me sit on the floor with my back against the bed. My head was angled up so that I was just the right height to take his balls into my mouth. Then he turned around and I licked his ass. He likes that. I can tell. So, when he asked if I liked it, I said yes mostly because I knew how much he enjoyed me doing it. He went to get a condom and told me to lie on my back on the bed. He had me put his dick in. And, we fucked...on my back, on my stomach, on the bed, on the floor, in my ass...until he came. He asked if I wanted it (because he knows how much I like to swallow him), but before I could even get out an answer he had cum. When I said yes, he just replied, "Too late." I've really missed him. Can you tell?

Relief

2009-03-11T22:19:00.002-05:00

Jay got some news from the doctor today. It wasn't good news, but it wasn't horrible either. It did, however, explain a lot. I have not asked Jay if I could reveal it her, so I won't. For now, let's just say I was floored. Two days ago, I was ready to walk out the door. Now, I could never do that.

I keep thinking about the episode of Grey's Anatomy (I think) where the husband was an ass and the wife was leaving him only to discover that he had a tumor and once they removed the tumor he would go back to normal. She felt so bad because it wasn't his fault. Well, that's me. No, Jay doesn't have a tumor but it's the same situation. His actions have not been his fault and I feel bad that I even thought about leaving him. But, I am also relieved. My husband is not an ass. I have been saying for the longest time that he is a different person from the man I married. Now, I know that he really is a different person but it is not his fault and that he can go back to being that wonderful guy I met 13 years ago. And, for that I'm happy.

TMI Tuesday

2009-03-10T22:25:00.002-05:00

1. Are you pro-marriage? Why or why not?
Yes and no...I, personally like being married. However, I do not think that every couple out their needs to get married in order to validate their commitment to one another. For me, marriage is about security for myself and my children more than anything else.

2. Have you ever invented or thought you invented a sexual position?
No, I'm pretty sure every position I've ever done has been done by someone else before me.

3. Do you like to be tied up? Always or sometimes?
Yes...sometimes

4. Do you consider online cybering adultery?
No

5. Do you prefer masturbation over real sex?
Hell no!!!!

6. Do you want sex more times a day than your partner?
It varies...some days I do, some days I don't.

7. Do you get offended when you partner openly flirts with others or are you okay with it?
No, I don't. I would probably be the one who encouraged him to start the flirting.

8. Do you think you're flirty by nature?
Hell Yeah!!

TMI Tuesday

2009-03-03T21:46:00.003-06:00

1. Is there a sexual act/position/practice that you were sure in advance you would hate (or never try) and then discovered to your surprise you loved?

I recently started exploring BDSM. I do not do pain. Jay has lightly spanked me in the past, but recently he did it and used quite a bit more force than he ever has. It caught me off guard, but I actually enjoyed it quite a bit. It makes me think that I might be able to get into some of the other painful aspects of the lifestyle.

2. Is there a sexual act/position/practice that proved a lot less interesting in practice than you thought it would be beforehand?

Like Sexie Sadie, I too dislike the 69 position. I can't concentrate. For the life of me, I cannot figure out what those they enjoy it get out of it. I would much rather we just take turns.

3. How do you let your significant other know you're in the mood? How do you let a new person in your life know?
I say/text/email, "I'm horny." I'm pretty simple and straightforward.

4. How does your significant other let you know he/she is in the mood?

Jay usually rubs or kisses my back, which I love.

5. Is there one that got away - a sexual opportunity you didn't realise was one at the time, or weren't ready for and regret missing ever since?
Are you kidding me?!? NO!!!

All Tied Up

2009-03-02T18:14:00.000-06:00

I told Jay that I wanted him to tie me up. He simply said ok. I didn't expect it to happen immediately. I just wanted him to know that it was something that I wanted to explore. But, after the kids were sleep, he did just that. I was lying in bed. He rolled me over on my stomach, pulled my hands behind my back and tied my wrists together. He asked if it hurt. I told him it didn't hurt, but that it was very uncomfortable. He just said good. He then proceeded to irritate me to no end. He lightly rubbed his fingers across my body so that it gave the sensation that something was crawling on me. He tickled me and he bit me, but he also massaged my shoulders. Then he tied my ankles together. He pulled my hips up and teasingly ran his fingers across my pussy. He spanked me...just a few times and just hard enough to sting and turn me on. He had me turn over on my back. He squeezed my nipples, which normally wouldn't be so bad, but I recently started taking birth control pills again so my breast are very tender. He licked me clit. I was breathing rather hard at this point which I think scared him a little (I was still sick.), so he had me roll back onto my stomach. At this point, one of my arms had gone numb, so I asked if he could tie my wrists in front. So, he untied my wrists and retied them over my head. At this point, I was on my back. He once again pulled my hips up. He licked my pussy, then straddled behind me and fucked me. I must say I really enjoyed being tied up. I can't wait to do it when I'm not coughing and struggling to catch my breath. I'm sure he'll take things further, but for now, I'm a very happy girl.

It's Been A Long Time

2009-03-01T11:03:00.003-06:00

I know it's been a long time since I've written. I've had the flu, followed by complications from the flu. Hubby and I had a falling out. We are now in counseling trying to save our marriage. Hubby picked the counselor because he works on a sliding scale. The only problem is that it's a Christian counselor. Nothing against him personally. He seems like a really great guy and I'm sure he's a great counselor. I'm just not sure he's right for us. But then, maybe he's right for Hubby. I asked him yesterday if he wants to be monogamous or poly. He didn't think it mattered. I, on the other hand, think it's a very important question. Not only does our approach to counseling become different depending on the answer, whether I even want to pursue reconciliation may change depending on the answer. He finally came back and one again said that he could be in a poly relationship but only with a woman, never with another man. He has no desire to be friends or even know about any man that I am sleeping with. He wants me to cut off contact with Reginald and my Sir while we're trying to work things out. While that may make sense if we're going to be monogamous, I think that it makes no sense at all if we're going to be poly. I think that we need to work on his feelings toward having other people in our lives because I don't think that it is simply other men. He has issues with me chatting with other women, even platonically. I think that if I met a woman, in real life or online, and started a relationship, he would still have an issue because I'm talking to someone other than him. In all honest though, Hubby and I don't talk. We don't see eye to eye on most things.

He considers Reginald to be an affair (even though he okayed the relationship every step of the way) because I enjoy things with him that I don't enjoy with Hubby. He considers my Sir to be an emotional affair (even though he said I could talk to him) because I talk to him about my feelings. He wants to compare them to "the girlfriend"....the lady we had the relationship with at the end of '07. I consider his relationship with her to have started as an affair. I didn't know it at the time, but they had apparently talked and shared quite a bit before I knew about her and said it was okay to date her. It wasn't until she and I started talking and the three of us started hanging out that I learned about these things. We have always had a rule that he will tell me when he is talking to or spending time with a woman (even platonically). He didn't do that with her. For me, that's a betrayal. I never would have encouraged him to date her had I known the background story.

Anyway, I will stop here for now. I promise to be present more. I'm not sure which way this blog will go now that I'm not seeing other men. We'll just have to wait and see. I will say this...in the middle of the flu, Hubby tied me up and the other night we made love (not fucked) and it was great. I will fill you in on both of those events soon.

For those of you on the East coast, I hope that you are enjoying the snow and that it's not causing too many issues for you.

2 Guys, 1 Girl

2009-01-19T08:55:00.000-06:00

Let me start by saying that I have not seen Reginald, my FWB, since right after Thanksgiving, so we were both anxiously looking forward to Saturday. I had already planned to see him that day anyway. He'd been out of town on business and was flying back in that morning. Friday, I received a text from my high school fuck buddy,Ted, who happens to be best friends with my Reginald. We had been trying to reconnect for over a year now, but hadn't been able to. It was actually because we weren't able to get together last year that I even started flirting with Reginald, but that's another story. Anyway, Ted was in town on business and wanted to get together. He said that he would be staying at Reginald's Saturday. Of course, my mind started working. I sent a text to Reginald to see if he still wanted to get together Saturday. He said yes. I then told him that I had just heard from Ted and that he said he would be at his house Saturday. I wanted to know if we would be fucking in front of Ted. His response was "you haven't fucked me in SOOO long I don't really care." He asked if I minded. I told him as long as he didn't mind, it was okay with me. He then asked if I thought I could handle two dicks. Bingo! That was what I had been waiting on.

Fast forward to Saturday, I arrived at Reginald's house, but had to wait about 15 minutes before he made it there. As soon as I was in the house, he hugged me and said that I was nice to see me after so long. He followed that with "Now get naked because I'm going to fuck the shit out of you." I headed to the guest bedroom and stripped down to my panties. He came in. I sucked his dick just long enough to get him good and hard. And then we fucked in every position you can think of. I came over and over and over again. He had asked me to bring my lube, so he reached down and put a little on my ass. I was bent forward with my hands on the floor and he entered me. Then he stood me up, sat back on the bed, and I eased down on his dick. He rubbed my clit and I rode his dick, moving my ass back and forth. He stood up and walked (with his dick still in my ass) over to the dresser. With me slightly bent in front of the mirror, he fucked me ass. He pulled me hair back so that I could look in the mirror and he told me to open my eyes (I fuck with my eyes closed. Don't know why, but I do. Maybe because I get lost in the moment and don't want distractions.) He said that now when I'm home and look in the mirror, I will remember that face. He stuck his fingers in my pussy then my mouth several times before pulling out of my ass. He changed condoms, came back and I sucked his dick again. I licked his balls and his ass and he moaned and repeated over and over how good it was. Then, lying on my stomach, he fucked my pussy again. He flipped me over and fingered me again, adding fingers until he got four in. Every few minutes he would put his fingers in my mouth so I could taste my juices. Then he stuck his dick in again. He fucked me hard while he pinched my nipples and choked and slapped me. That was the first time he'd slapped me and it kinda caught me off guard. Initially, I wasn't sure how I felt about that, but in hindsight I think I like it. We fucked like that for a while, then his phone rang. Ted was finally on his way.

By this time I had cum so much I was getting winded, but not tired. So, he told me to just lie still and he would do all the work. I have to insert some backstory here. We don't make love. We fuck. We don't kiss. We don't have tender moments. Except for our very first planned encounter, we have never even had a close embrace during sex. Until yesterday, He laid on top of me and held me close. He whispered in my ear and told me how he wished he could roll over and be with me in the middle of the night. I told him that I could spend the night...just let me know when. He told me how much he had missed me. He asked how high on my list he was in terms of the best I've ever had (male egos!). We held each other tight and kissed each other's neck and chest. And then the damn doorbell rang and scared the shit out of us.

Reginald came back and I started sucking his dick again. I sucked his balls while I stroked his dick. That's when Ted came in the room. Reginald told me to get back on the bed. Face down-ass up, Ted came behind me and started fucking me and rubbing my clit. Reginald walked around to the other side of the bed and I started sucking his dick. Then, Ted asked me to suck his. He laid on the bed and I stared sucking him. Reginald went to get a condom and the lube. He came back and fucked my ass again. Now, he was not supposed to cum because I wanted him to cum in my mouth, but by this time it had been well over and an hour and I guess he just couldn't hold it anymore. He was fucking my ass and rubbing my clit. Ted was saing "be a big girl...take that dick". Right after I came, Reginald came. He went to go throw the condom away and I climbed on Ted and rode his dick. The whole time he was saying how we'd had so much fun in high school and he missed my pussy. I told him that he is always promising to come to town but never does. He assured me that he will be visiting more often now...lol. After a while, I told him to roll over and he fucked me that way...on my back, legs wide open. Reginald came back and put his dick in my mouth. It wasn't too long before Ted came and I came again. Ted left to get a beer. I sucked Reginald for a few more minutes. Then, we all took a break.

After a few minutes, I went to the bathroom to freshen up. I put on my panties and tank and went into the den where they were. We talked for a few minutes then I went back to the bedroom intending to get dressed and leave. Reginald followed me in and asked if I would suck his dick while he watched TV. I followed him back into the den. He was stood in front of the couch and I got on my knees. They continued to watch Sportscenter and chit chat while I sucked his dick. After a little while, I looked up and asked him if he was going to come. He looked down at me and just said nope. He helped me up, I went back to the bedroom to get dressed. Reginald gave me my Christmas present, we started saying our goodbyes. As I was leaving, Ted walked up behind me. I pushed back on him, reached behind my back, and started rubbing his dick. Of course, he got hard again. He asked me to come back to the bedroom and suck his dick. I did...for a little while anyway. I got a text and decided to leave before we got too far into things again. I told him I had to go and left him on the bed with a hard dick. (His ass should have gotten there on time.)

Can MInisters and Freaks Be Friends?

2009-01-12T14:07:00.001-06:00

This weekend my very bestest friend in the whole world told me that he had received a calling and was thinking of becoming a minister. He wanted to know if I would still be his friend. Of course, I would. I couldn't figure out why he would ask such a silly question. We've been friends for over 25 years, he was my first true love, knows ALL my secrets, yada, yada, yada.

As the conversation went on, I realized that the real question was whether he could still be my friend. He said that when he was contemplating this decision, I was the only person he thought of...more specifically, he thought about my sexuality. I jokingly asked if he was intending on trying to save me. He said no. I am the most honest person he knows and he loves me the way I am...would never ask me to change BUT it wouldn't look very good if he's preaching to others about the exact things that his best friend is doing.

WTF?!? So...basically, he will be condemning everyone else like me, but I get a friend pass. Initially I was pissed, but I've come to realize that I'm not so much pissed as I am hurt.

So, what do you think...can a minister be friends with a freak?

HNT - NOT!!!

2009-01-08T13:57:00.004-06:00

OK, I've been really busy. Not only have I not written anything this week, I completely forgot about HNT. Oh well, there's always next week.

Be sure to check out everyone else and don't forget to visit

Just Something I Wrote While Walking Through the Bookstore

2009-01-02T13:24:00.002-06:00

I wait
By my phone
Hoping to her from you
A text, an email, a call
Anything

I sit
Craving
Your smell, your touch, your kiss
breathing shallow
pussy wet
throbbing
hungry
for your tongue, your dick

Come to me
You say and I do
Wanting to please
Eager for all you will give
Knowing
We will both feel

SATISFIED

Cyber Dominance Part Two

2009-01-01T00:34:00.008-06:00

My second message board exchange with the Dom was quite steamy. It went like this...

Having seen a pic of my pussy...

Dom: Imagining my face buried and those juices dripping from my forehead...

me: Rubbing the top of your head and closing my thighs...keeping you in place

Dom: *flicking the clit with my tongue while gently sucking on it with my lips*... I'm thirsty...

me: Pussy dripping..."yes baby, right there"

Dom: And you know what I like. Move those hips into my face and feed me...

me: Ummmm...rubbing my breast, grinding my hips

Dom: *reaching up to pinch your nipples while I suck firmer on your clit*

me: aaawww baby *opening my legs* pulling you up so that I can feel your dick in my pussy

Dom: Come do your thing baby

Because we were on a message board, I had to wait several minutes after posting for his replies. I finally sent the following email...

Subject: Throbbing

Me: I've got The Story of O in one hand, checking the computer every few minutes with the other hand. My pussy is throbbing and it's all your fault.

Him: Good. Fuck yourself for me tonight.

Unfortunately, I was not able to do so that night (family issues), but I did the following night. Of course, I had to let him know. The email went like this...

Subject: Task completed

Me: made myself cum for you...three times

Him: Thank you baby. I hope it was good for you. tell me your thoughts during...

Me: I was thinking about your tongue licking my pussy, your hand rubbing my breast while I rub my clit. Your tongue moved to my clit and you put 3 or 4 fingers inside my pussy (just enough to hurt a little). You fingered me hard until I came so violently that I couldn't stop shaking.

This is where I will leave you for now. I hope you are enjoying my journey as much as I am. I am not yet a true submissive and he is not my Dom, but I am enjoying myself as I get comfortable and take my place at his feet eager to learn.

Submissive - Who Me?

2008-12-30T05:09:00.005-06:00

As you can tell from my last post, I'm exploring my submissive side. My new friend, the Dom, suggested that I read The Story of O. He also sent me links to a couple of websites. I immediately started reading the websites and picked up the book the next day. It didn't take long for me to realize that I am submissive and always have been.

Wait...this requires a little back story.

My husband knows about Reginald. He has known about him from Day One, a little over a year ago when we ran into each other and were texting just to catch up on old times. In the last year, Hubby has constantly flipped-flopped over me seeing Reginald. He has gone from no face-to-face contact, to anything except intercourse, to intercourse is okay, to no contact whatsoever, to we're open so do what you want. Confusing, right? Well, imagine what it's like for me!

The current situation is that we are open so technically I can see anyone I want. The problem, however, lies in that Hubby REALLY dislikes Reginald. I came to realize this a little while ago, but never could figure out why (and Hubby couldn't explain it either). Recently though, Hubby said it was because he seems to have some kind of hold on me, that I can't give him up. This is true, but like Hubby, I didn't really understand why.

OK, fast forward to now...
Reginald and I have a D/s relationship and I thrive on that. I used to have that type of relationship with Hubby, but somewhere along the way we lost it. He became indecisive and unsure, not good qualities in the dominant person. Reginald just happened to come along at the right time with the right amount of restrictions. I'm eager to please him...to not overstep my boundaries. Sex, even anal, feels natural and passionate because of the mental foreplay we have done beforehand. I never stay at Reginald's after we have sex. I have never seen his bedroom. We always have sex in the den or one of the extra bedrooms or outdoors on the deck. I love taking direction from him. Hearing the pleasure in his voice when I do as I'm told. Anything he asks (like his recent request to tie me up), I agree to without hesitation because I want to bring him joy.

He sent me a text this morning inquiring about my Christmas. After we had finished the pleasantries, I told him that I think we have a D/s relationship. He was shocked. I went on to explain why I thought so. Of course, he had never looked at it that way. But, it is what it is.

The dilemma lies with Hubby now. I would love for him to be the dominant man that he was in the past. He says that he is willing to try, so we'll see. For now, Reginald is that person. He give me what I need to be happy. He allows me to please him and rewards me with his satisfaction. I thrive on that and cannot give that up....not yet anyway.

I am a submissive...I always have been and I am sure that I always will be.

Cyber Dominance

2008-12-27T02:27:00.004-06:00

Erotica Comments

I consider myself to be fairly submissive so I'm not sure why what happened surprises me, but it does.

A few weeks ago, I met a man online - nice enough guy. We exchanged emails and pics - nothing special. Recently, I came across a post he'd written on a message board I frequent. He was answering a question about dominant/submissive relationships...who knew about them, who was in one, etc. Come to find out, he's a Dom. Now, I already knew he was a singer and kinda figured he practiced polyamory, but the D/s thing was unexpected. Intrigued (and a little turned on), I had to reply. He had given a general explanation about the lifestyle, so I asked for some specifics. The banter went back and forth for a few posts until I mentioned something about me being married. He responded by saying that I would not be his first married submissive. Ummmm, ok.

My plan was to drop it right there, but I found myself deeply aroused at all the possibilities. So, I replied once again. This time to inquire if he had ever had a long distance sub. I was expecting his answer to be no. It wasn't. His response was that he had. I squirmed in my seat, heat rising from between my legs. I let him know that I was getting all tingly. "As it should be" was all he said.

I couldn't take it anymore. I started searching through my past emails looking for the pictures he'd sent me the night we met online. I sent an email telling him that he had me so hot that I was searching for the pics. He wrote back - "Ask for more...you know the drill...on your knees."

By this time, my pussy was throbbing...so, I asked for more. To which he simply said, "Good girl."

Now, I am a sucker for praise, so this just sent me right over the edge. I came...just a little, and of course, I had to let him know. I had to tell him what he'd made me do. He wasn't pleased. He declared, "I don't do little. Go rub your pussy properly."

Off to my bedroom I went. Lying across the bed, I put my hand inside my panties and stroked my clit. I slid my fingers inside my now dripping wet pussy. Gliding my fingers in and out, thumb on my clit, I made long smooth strokes until I came...juices dripping down my fingers.

I logged back on and let him know that I had done as I was told.

"Now go write about it online" was all I got back.

So, being the good girl that I am, I did just that.

I Want a Webcam

2008-12-26T15:08:00.003-06:00

I recently joined an invite-only online group. It is for like-minded adults. It's nice to have somewhere to talk to people who think like I do...who do not pass judgment. There is just one problem though. Joining this group has opened up a whole new sex venue to me...webcams. Now, don't get me wrong, I knew about webcams. I've seen the porn sites that offer webcam viewing, but I've never really been interested. However, viewing someone who you "know"...that you've chatted with and emailed.. is a totally different thing. HOT!!! That's the word that instantly comes to mind.

So, now, I want a webcam. I want to put on my own show. The exhibitionist in me has been unleashed. Since it's after Christmas, I can't put it on my Christmas list, but it is definitely on the top of my To Buy in '09 list.

And, don't worry...I will be sure to share the details of those adventures with you as well.

Cold

2008-12-23T22:25:00.005-06:00

It's cold and rainy outside. And I have a cold, so I'm inside. I'm all stuffy and blah.

Anybody wanna bring some chicken soup over?

Hopefully, I'll feel better tomorrow. Every year, I buy something to wear on Christmas Eve. Needless to say, by the time the toys have all been put out, Santa is a happy man.

So, you see I've got to get well. Can't disappoint Santa.

In case, I don't make it back before the 25th...

MERRY CHRISTMAS

HNT - Merry Christmas Baby

2008-12-17T23:33:00.005-06:00

All wrapped up and tied with a bow.

I wasn't able to get a pic done in time to make it on

Merry Christmas and Happy HNT!!!

TMI Tuesday

2008-12-16T14:03:00.004-06:00

1. What is the greatest age difference between between and a SO? Older or younger?
with a SO, only 2 years

2. What is the greatest age difference between between and any sexual partner? Older or younger?
18 years - I was 18. He was 36.

3. Have you started your holiday shopping? Is it done?
Yes and yes, unless I come across something that I think someone would really love.

4. What are the chances there will be a "naughty" present under the tree this year (either from you or for you)?
No naughty presents, but every year I buy "Mrs. Claus" lingerie that I put on on Christmas Eve after the kids have gone to sleep. Then, I seductively entice Santa while we put out the toys.

5. What is your favorite holiday song?
Santa Baby, Santa Claus is Coming to Town, and Another Lonely Christmas

Bonus (as in optional):Do you have a preferred time of day to have sex? If so, why?
I don't really have a preference. I'm game whenever.

Just a Phase?

2008-12-15T15:17:00.003-06:00

Apparently, Jay agreed to opening the marriage because he thought I was going through a phase. He figured that I'd see a man or two and then things would go back to "normal"...just me and him. I'm not really sure where he got that idea because I definitely did not tell him that.

I'm not sure where this is headed. He's obviously not happy with the arrangement and has stated that he cannot have an open marriage on a long-term basis. Personally, I think that is very unfair. It's like dangling a carrot in front of a horse. I've been given a dose of freedom only to have it taken back. Not to mention, Jay doesn't do everything I like sexually.

The good news is that nothing has changed for now. Maybe he'll even change his mind.

Confession

2008-12-11T17:07:00.008-06:00

I love to suck Reginald's dick. I have never been one for swallowing (can't stand the taste), but with him I do. His sperm doesn't taste like anything and he lets me be in control. As he's about to cum, I take him all the way to the back of my throat. When I know that he has released all of his juices, I start sucking again...making long, forceful, hungry strokes. I used to stop right after he came, but for his birthday I gave him the blow job of his life. After he came, I kept sucking until he couldn't stand it anymore and had to push me away. He loved it! So, now I try to throw in a birthday blow job every now and then to remind him of why he likes me so much.

As a result, I have come to think of him whenever a particular song comes on. A few months ago, I asked him if he still listens to rap. When he said yes, I told him that every time I hear Lollipop by Lil Wayne, I think of him. He asked why and I told him he was "like a lollipop" and I love licking him and he always makes me juicy.

On a side note, way back in college I was once voted as having the best dick-sucking lips by a bunch of guys whose dicks I'd never sucked....LOL! What do you think?

HNT - The Girls Say Hi

2008-12-10T22:12:00.005-06:00

Today's HNT pic requires a back story.

My FWB, Reginald is an old junior high/high school friend. We reconnected last year and, in addition to massive amounts of texting, I would frequently send him naughty pics. Well, this has been the norm for over a year now. When the mood strikes, I whip out my phone and snap a quick pic to send to Reginald. Until recently...

As I've said, my mojo has been all out of whack. Added to that, I recently got a new cell phone. I REALLY like my phone. I would LOVE my phone if the camera on it had a flash. Let me explain...my phone has ALL the bells and whistles I could ever ask for and then some. The one thing it doesn't have? A FREAKIN' FLASH!!! (What dimwit forgot that?) So, needless to say, my pics come out dark unless I'm outside or somewhere with A LOT of light. Now, I'm all for getting naked outdoors or in the car, but that's not always possible since I usually have kids with me. Thus, I have not been taking or sending very many pics.

Anyway, today Reginald sent me a text asking if I was on a pic strike. I had to laugh because it had just occurred to me last night that it's been a while since I've sent him a pic. I explained that Jay is home more now so whipping out the digital camera to take pics for another man would not go over well regardless of how open we may be. I also explained my no-flash-on-the-camera-phone dilemma. I have to admit though that I miss sending him pics. It is as much of a turn-on for me as it is for him. I always imagine him getting them while in a meeting or conference and struggling to hide his reaction.

So, I set out immediately to rectify this issue. I snuck in the bathroom, pulled up my shirt and my bra and snapped a pic of "the girls". I sent it to Reginald along with a message that said, "The girls say hi."

And now, to you dear reader....The Girls say "Hi".

Happy Everyone!

Be sure to check everyone else out and look for me on as well.

I'm Making a Comeback

2008-12-10T20:35:00.003-06:00

I'm feeling frisky!!!

You can not imagine how much of a relief that is.

Jay and I had sex Monday night and I've been horny ever since. I had planned to stop by and see Reginald today. I went to yoga class today which somehow always reminds me of him, but he has never seen me in my yoga pants. So, I was looking forward to showing off my assets. Unfortunately, he's out of town. I sent him a text and he's asked that I please come by and show him next week.

That has definitely been added to my to-do list.

OK...It's Official

2008-12-08T21:58:00.004-06:00

I HAVE LOST MY MOJO!!!

and I want it back.

There really is nothing else to say.

No Interest in Sex

2008-12-01T00:31:00.004-06:00

I have been decidedly unsexy lately. I've been spending the last couple of weeks trying to ease Jay's fears about having an open marriage. Because of this, I've seriously curtailed any outside activity. At the same time, all of this talking has left me drained and uninterested in sex in general, even with Jay. I did have one spark the day after Thanksgiving. I had a major urge to fuck Reginald. I chocked this up to him being my stress reliever. Our sex is so passionate and primal that I am exhausted afterwards, whether it's a 5 minute quickie or a 2 -hour multi-orgasmic (for both of us) session. Unfortunately, he was away visiting family.

Jay and I did have sex. It was sensual and quiet (kids were home and awake). It was what I call "I Love You" sex - you know the sex you see in romantic movies. It was nice - nothing to complain about. I came and he came, but a few minutes afterwards I was ready to go again. I told Jay, but it didn't happen. Honestly, what I needed was to fuck Reginald, then come home and make love to Jay. Once is never enough and Jay is just not able to oblige. I love that man, but I need more.

Reginald did send me a text Friday asking how Thanksgiving went. Of course, I mentioned that I was horny. He said if he were home he'd help with my horniness. He'll be back tomorrow. Hopefully, I'll get a chance to go by and see him. Maybe I'll get my mojo back.

TMI Tuesday

2008-11-18T14:23:00.003-06:00

1. When did you last use your cellular telephone as a flashlight?

I don't.

2. On a scale from 1-10, how comfy are you being naked?

Maybe an 8? It really depends on who else is around. Around men, I'm closer to a 9. Around women, I'm probably closer to a 7.

3. What is the longest you've ever been celibate after having lost your virginity?

Wait...people are celibate AFTER losing their virginity? Just kidding. Seriously, I lost my virginity when I was 13 (save the negative comments). That summer I told Reginald (yes, the one I'm fucking now...who was really just a good friend back then) that I thought I would stop having sex. His replied, "That's not going to happen. You've done it now. You're not going to stop." No truer words have ever been spoken. I have no idea what it's like to go without.

4. Have you ever had sex in a car? If yes, since you were a teenager?

Yes, I have. And yes, since I was a teenager. As a matter of fact, Jay and I had sex in the car yesterday at the end of our lunch date. I'm still writing that post.

5. When did you last use food or drink as medication?

I suffered from depression and though I'm on some really great anti-depressants right now, I still have some moody moments and some stressful ones to. I may have a drink, but most likely I eat something sweet. The last time would be Sunday. I ate carrot cake and a frozen fruit bar.

Bonus: Name three words that:

a) get you excited

Dick, Swallow (only when Reginald says it though), and Fuck

b) make you squirm

Horny, Lick, and ? (I'll have to think)

c) make you laugh

Sho-Nuff (had to be in my high school band to get it), Morning (in a really happy sing-songy voice - had to be on my girls only vacation to understand), ? (still thinking)

Happy Tuesday Everyone!!

24 Hours Later

2008-11-16T19:22:00.005-06:00

There was a period when I hated being on top with Jay. It had nothing to do with him. It just didn't feel all that good. I'm not sure when that changed, but I like it again.

When I woke up Saturday. I playfully laid on top of Jay and kissed him...on his jaw, on his lips, on his neck, on his chest. I made my way down his body.

"Get him hard so you can ride," he said.

Always a stickler for following orders, I did just that.

12 Hours Later

2008-11-16T18:20:00.003-06:00

I convinced Reginald to take an early lunch and meet me at his house. He met me at the door with one finger in from t of his mouth, shushing me immediately. I was intrigued and slightly turned on. I had ideas that this would be a "how quiet can you be?" session. We'd never done that before; mainly, because our sex is so intense that it's almost impossible not to be loud. Anyway, I was SO wrong. I took a closer look in his direction. In the other hand, he was waving his Blackberry. He was on a conference call! Thus, the need to be quiet. I had to giggle (silently, of course). I had promised him a blow job, so we made our way over to the couch. He unbuttoned his jeans and sat down. I wasn't sure how I was going to manage to quietly perform fellatio. With the phone on mute. I took his dick in my mouth, easing it to the back of my throat. I took him in and out of my mouth and hungrily sucked his balls. I wanted to swallow him whole. He grabbed my hair and softly said my name. Just as I was thinking this whole conference call/dick sucking session was going to work out really well, a question was asked; one which he had to answer. He stood up to get the phone which he lain on the arm of the couch. He quickly answered, ending the call. He looked my way and said, "Take off your pants." I did as I was told and bent over on front of the couch. He returned, positioned my knees on the couch and commenced to pounding my pussy as I came over and over. Abruptly, he pulled out and turned me over. He stood in front of me and raising my waist to meet him. He entered me as I came again. He pulled out and rubbed his dick across my clit, making me cum yet again. He entered me again. I looked up at him and said, "We are not supposed to be having sex. I just came over to give you a blow job." His response? "Do you want me to stop fucking you?" To which I replied, "NO!" and came AGAIN. He asked, "Did you cum?" I managed to pant a positive response. He pulled out and, holding my hand, pulled me to him. I eagerly took his dick in my mouth again. I wanted him to feel as good as I did. I wanted to feel his juices in my mouth. I was soon rewarded. He came. I could feel my mouth fill with liquid as I kept my mouth gripped around his shaft. I continued to perform my duties as he moaned and swayed. When I was certain he could take no more, I stopped. I quickly dressed and said goodbye. My task had been accomplished. Job well done.

Wanna Go Outside?

2008-11-14T21:28:00.004-06:00

He was alone..outside, surrounded by the foggy mist of the night. I approached. He grabbed the front of my jeans and pulled me closer. I undid my button and pushed his hand inside my pants. I grabbed his head and brought his lips to mine, kissing him hungrily. Removing my hand from his head he placed it inside my panties, replacing his. I rubbed my clit as I continued to kiss him, leaning him against the back of his car.

Suddenly, I pulled away and walked to the front of the car. He followed. Leaning against the hood of his car, I pushed my pants down revealing my pussy. I turned away from him. Bending over the car, I brushed my round ass against his pants. I heard the familiar sound of his zipper. Reaching behind me, I grabbed his dick and began caressing his shaft. He spun me around and pushed me down to my knees. I took him in my mouth. I grabbed his ass and pushed his penis to the back of my throat. I sucked his balls as he moaned my name. Standing me up, he pulled one leg out of my jeans, and lifted me onto the hood of the car. As I continued massaging my clit, he plunged his fingers into my wet pussy...all the while stroking his manhood with his other hand. Then, it happened...my breathing quickened, my heart raced. Just as I was about to explode, I felt the warmth of his dick entering me. He fucked me hard with long, practiced strokes. I wrapped my legs around his waist and moved in rhythm. The intensity increased until my juices spilled out and covered his dick. Thoroughly spent, I climbed off the car, struggled to gain my composure as I pulled my pants back on. Having accomplished my goal, I told him good night and went back into the house.

I climbed into bed with a smile, completely satisfied. I'm not sure if any of the neighbors witnessed our lustful display, but if they did I hope they enjoyed the show. I sure did!

HNT - Entangled Part Deux

2008-11-12T23:11:00.005-06:00

A few weeks ago, I posted a picture of Jay's friend and me all entangled. I thought I'd keep it going and post a continuation. Ah, the memories...

Happy Half-Nekkid Thursday!

I can also be found on ...check me out.

Open For Business...Think Again

2008-11-12T12:23:00.006-06:00

I mentioned when I got back online that Jay had decided to give having an open marriage a try. I have come to learn that this was only a half-hearted try. He still has way too many issue with an open marriage for this to work. For some reason, despite my assurance to the contrary, he has it in his head that I NEED to start a new LIFE with others. I don't want a life with anyone else. I look at my adventures outside the marriage the same as I would a new hobby. If a friend wants to see me and it doesn't interfere with anything that Jay and I or the kids and I have planned, and I'm in the mood, then I'll go. My friends are not here to take the place of him or our life. They are here to enhance our lives. When I'm in the mood to be man-handled (which Jay doesn't really like to do), Reginald provides that release. I come home calm and relaxed because I have gotten out all of that aggression. When I just need to talk about Reginald or the new girl I met, I can text or call PD. Jay doesn't want any info on the other people in my life, so I can't come home and talk to him. PD is also good for mind-blowing cunnilingus (something Jay does, but PD does better). When I want the softness of a woman...well, I don't have a woman in my life right now, but obviously Jay can't give me that.

On the other hand, when I want to share my innermost feelings, when I want to make love and cuddle after, when I want to just sit and enjoy the meaningful silence and the closeness it brings, I turn to Jay. He is my world. I love him with all my heart. I can't imagine living my life with anyone else.

The funny thing is, since Jay gave the okay, I have only had sex once. I haven't even been in the same room with anyone else. I did way more before he gave the okay. Granted, I was sick during part of this time, but still. I have been trying to be very conscious of his feelings and not just run wild. I wanted him top feel secure in his decision. Obviously, that has backfired on me.

I've even tried to explain my feelings by relating it to his feelings when he had sex with other women in the past. (We have even had a FMF polyamorous relationship with him as the hinge in our V.) He response was that he now sees how that was wrong too. WTF?!? We have been open, at least on his end (and me with women), since we were dating. Now, because I have an interest in have a male FWB, it's suddenly wrong and takes away from our marriage.

So, now I face a dilemma. Do I continue with the open marriage knowing that Jay is not dealing well with the idea? Do I tell him that I've decided to just let the idea go? And, if so, do I truly let it go or do I cheat?

Sunshine has a lot of thinking to do.

To Do List

2008-11-10T21:17:00.004-06:00

I sent this to PD one night while we were sending IMs back and forth. I thought I'd share it here.

To Do:
See me
Touch me
Feel me
Hold me
Taste me
Lick me
Fill me
Fuck me

Simple and to the point.

My Computer and I are Healthy Once Again

2008-11-09T17:31:00.003-06:00

My computer and I have both been sick; thus, explaining my absence from blogland. Not sure what exactly was wrong with the computer, but I had a killer sinus infection. Hubby was very supportive (taking care of me and nursing me back to health). PD and Reginald were very understanding (no sex on the side for them). But...I woke up Friday morning with my hand in my panties - a sure sign that I'm feeling better.

In the meantime, Hubby agreed to being open. YAY!!!

So, tomorrow I will be back out there...healthy, happy, and open to all that comes my way.

In Memory of My Mom

2008-10-25T14:12:00.009-05:00

I just started blogging this month, so I missed the Blogger Boobie-thon. I"ll definitely be participating next year! For this year though, I continued my tradition of walking in the local Race for the Cure. My mom succumbed to breast cancer last year. It has been really rough for me, but If nothing else I have learned that life is short. It is because of my mother's death that I was able to let go and be ME. I used to care what people would think and say if they knew the real me. I've always been a bad girl, but I fought for years to portray a good girl/monogamous wife image to my family, friends, and co-workers. There were so many things about me that I kept hidden from them, the least of which the fact that I'm bisexual. With my mother's death, I came to realize that I don't really care what people think. I needed to enjoy life and be honest about who I am. By no means do I walk around showing off my kinkiness, but I also no longer hide it. These days, you're just as likely to see me in the grocery store wearing khakis and a polo (being a true soccer mom) as you are to see me wearing a micro-mini sans panties and lowcut tee (being a true exhibitionist).

So, for my mom...I raised money. I walked and I enjoyed every minute of it.

Because of my mom...I can freely admit that I love being a horny, flirtatious, bisexual, open-minded SAHM! I express myself here and in real life everyday without concern about other people's judgements.

To my mom, I say THANKS!

Female Vampires

2008-10-23T22:03:00.004-05:00

I just received this in a text message. I thought it was cute so I'm sharing.

If one drop of semen has more life than one drop of blood, then why don't female vampires suck dick?...Happy Halloween!

My reply? They can't suck dick because guys are too afraid of the fangs. Oh, the pain!!!

HNT - Entangled

2008-10-23T08:24:00.006-05:00

This is from a recent encounter with one of Jay's female friends. I love the way that we're all tangled up together. You can just imagine what else went on that night. ;)

Happy Half-Nekkid Thursday!!!

To enjoy a more risque, visit The Other HNT

TMI Tuesday

2008-10-21T17:53:00.006-05:00

1. Have you ever felt guilty or ashamed after a sexual experience?

Not initially, but later I did. My friends and I have an unwritten rule (their rule, not mine though I do try to stick to it) that we will not become involved with another friends ex. Well, back in college, after much drinking and a game of truth-or-dare I had sex with a friend's ex. Technically, he was my platonic friend WAY before he was her ex (We went to elementary school together). Anyway, I later learned that the two of them were seeing each other again and trying to work things out. Thus, the guilty feeling.

2. Did you ever own a fake ID?

No. I'm short and have always looked younger than I am. As evidenced in this post, people are always assuming I'm my teenage daughter's sister instead of her mother.

3. How often do you tell white lies? Is it with or without thinking?

Sometimes, usually with thought and usually to avoid explaining myself to my husband or the kids.

4. On a scale of 1-10, how well do you receive constructive criticism?

I'm probably a 5. I don't like criticism, constructive or otherwise. I always feel like the other person is belittling me even when they aren't.

5. Have you ever shaved your pubic hair?

Yes, have been for about 11 years now - since the first time I had sex with a woman.

Bonus: What percentage of women do you think are capable of handling being in a "friends with benefits" relationship? How about men?

Not sure of the percentage, but I do believe men are better at it. Don't believe me, check out my first post. However, I think that there are some rare women, like me, out there who can do it with little drama. Now, if we're just talking casual sex without the friendship, then I think the number of women in that category would be slightly higher.

Stalling?

2008-10-20T09:12:00.007-05:00

Jay informed me that he was considering my request for an open marriage about 2 weeks ago. Since then, he's asked a lot of questions and I've given a lot of answers. He's said that he is leaning toward the idea - just trying to work it out in his head - and that I need to be patient. He'll let me know when he gets there. Personally, I feel like we've covered all of the questions, some more than once. That doesn't mean that there won't be more, but I truly believe that they would be situational, meaning a particular thing happens and we need to contemplate all of the angles.

Honestly, I feel like Jay is stalling at this point. We've been semi-open for as long as we've known each other. He has always been able to be with other women. I have always been able to be with women. We have had threesomes, one foursome, and I've had oral encounters with men while he was in the next room. He allowed me to have sex with my Reginald, my FWB earlier this year. We've even had a polyamorous FMF relationship. The only thing he's really considering is whether or not he's ok with me seeing other men regularly. I know that he has his fears - fears I'll fall in love (possible, but also possible with a woman), fears I'll leave him (I might leave, but never for or because of someone else), fears I'll do things with the other man that I won't do with him (I'll do anything with Jay; however, it is possible that I'll enjoy something more with someone else). He wants to know NOTHING about the other men. He doesn't want to know their names, what we do, where we go, etc. which makes it even harder to understand his hesitance.

Anyway, at this point, I'm starting to wonder if it's just a ploy. I feel like he's just trying to wait things out to see if he can wear me down or change my mind. It's not going to change. I know what I want. I know how unhappy I was when he changed his mind about me seeing Reginald and I know how much I want this. So, I'm being patient. I'm letting him sort out his feelings and come to his own conclusion. I just wish he'd hurry up!

Why My Husband Rocks

2008-10-19T20:29:00.004-05:00

I woke up horny. I decided to self-serve for a couple of reasons - Jay was still sleep and we would need to get up for church in a little while. As I rubbed my clit, Jay woke up and held me. Then, his hand slid down on top of mine. Then further still until he found the opening of my pussy and stuck his fingers in. In and out, harder and harder. His fingers in my pussy, my fingers on my clit until I came.

I rolled him over, kissed his neck, his chest, his stomach - down his body until I came to his dick. I opened my mouth and took him inside, easing the whole thing in my mouth. I sucked him dick, rolling my tongue all around it. I rubbed his balls. Then, I sucked them. I caressed his dick up and down while I took each ball in my mouth. Then I went back to his dick. I sucked it some more, lubing it well. I slowly kissed my way back up his body and sat on his dick. I rode him slow and I rode him fast. I came over and over. I held him close and he begged me to cum one more time, which I gladly and loudly did. He rolled me over on my back and made love to me with deep even strokes. My breathing became harder, the screams and moans became louder until we both achieved ultimate satisfaction.

We laid in each others arms enjoying the moment when there came a knock at the door. A little voice called out, "Are y'all ok? We heard some noise." Jay answered, "We were just playing around, wrestling. We're fine." And as the footsteps made their way down the hall, we couldn't help but giggle.

And I couldn't help but think, "I love this man. He totally rocks my world."

My Husband Rocks My World

2008-10-19T15:00:00.003-05:00

I don't really have time right now to go into details. For now, let's just say that it involves great wake-up sex. I'll give more info later. In the meantime, I just want Jay to know that I love him...always have, always will. He is my number one and no one could ever take his place.

Drought

2008-10-17T22:15:00.004-05:00

I was just sitting here trying to remember when I last had sex. I can't remember. I think it was Sunday or maybe Saturday. Either way, it's been WAY too long. My husband is still contemplating the whole open marriage thing so I'm trying to be a good girl. We have some other outside stressors in our life right now that are causing him to be not so interested at the moment. But, damn...I need some dick.

Meanwhile, I posted on Craiglist looking for a woman. I've gotten a couple of responses and will try to get in touch with them over the weekend if I have time. Hopefully, I can find someone soft to spend my free time with.

Mistaken 'Easy' Identity

2008-10-16T17:08:00.005-05:00

When my teenage daughter and I are out together we are often mistaken for sisters. This happened a little while ago when we ventured out to view a local college she's interested in attending. My daughter approached one of the faculty members and when asked where her mother was she pointing across to the lady talking on her cell...me. When I finished my call and approached them, he asked, "You're really her mother? I thought you were her friend or maybe an older sister." I thanked him and assured him that I was indeed her mother. He proceeded to give us information about his department. We thanked him and moved on with our tour. However, that would not be the end of my encounters with College Guy. We finished our tour and headed to lunch only to run into...you guessed it, College Guy. He made a point of speaking to me and asking if I was being treated well. Then, after we finished eating and I was waiting on my daughter, College Guy appeared again. He had coincidentally finished eating at the same time. Once again, he made a point of making random chit chat.

Later that evening I was relaying these events to my cousin who has been struggling in the man department lately. She commented that I walk into a room and get hit on by a man and she can't get on to just call her back. I answered her by saying that I think I have an invisible sign on my back that says "EASY" and that's why men approach me. I kinda believe this. I think there is an air about me that gives the impression that I'll go there (wherever there may be).

So...the question now is do I dig out College Guy's business card and send him an email. Decisions, decisions

Opening Up

2008-10-16T12:33:00.005-05:00

My husband and I have been talking about having opening up our marriage lately. My husband has always been able to do as he pleases. By that, I mean that he has always been able to pursue women as long as he informed me ahead of time. I think the freedom actually reigned him in some because he's only been with a handful of women and always with the intention of bringing her home for a threesome one day. I've always been able to have a woman on the side if I chose, but being shy I've only found a woman on my own once.

My husband is the love of my life. I can't see myself without him. We've been married for 10 years, together for 13. It's only been in the last few years that I've started to notice other men. Last year, I approached my husband about having sex with a male friend from high school whom I had recently reconnected with. The friend and I had been talking and texting for a few months and we really wanted to see what it would be like when our bodies finally came together. At first he said no. My friend could touch me, but no sex.

So, we played a lot. We had phone sex and text sex (didn't know there was such a thing before then). I'd occasionally stop by. He'd grab me by the hair as soon as I entered the house, toss me across the chair or up against the wall and touch me everywhere. Between the heavy breathing, he'd whisper in my ear and beg me to have sex with him. His hands would eventually find their way under my shirt, inside my pants. His fingers would stroke my pussy, sliding forcefully in and out. He'd turn me around and finger my ass all the while pushing his penis against my ass. And then, when I could stand it no more, I'd cum all over his hand.

This continued for a few months until one day my husband said we could have sex. the only condition was that he wanted to know nothing about what went on. I planned our meeting so it wouldn't conflict with my husband time. I was going out with some girlfriends anyway, so I asked my friend if I could stop by afterwards. The anticipation had been building up for months, so we both expected the sex to be great and it was. It was hot and steamy and passionate and we couldn't wait for the next time. Except the next time never came.

A few days later, my husband blew up. He couldn't take it, knowing that his wife had slept with another man. Though he had said it was OK, he was truly not ready for it to happen. So, fast forward to now...I would love to have an open marriage. Having that outlet available to me was wonderful. I was calmer and more loving towards my husband when my friend was in my life. Though my husband recognizes that, the idea of another man having sex with his wife still freaks him out. I can have sex with all the women in the world and he wouldn't care, but one man sends him into the stratosphere. Needless to say, I'm leery now. We've been talking and he still says he wouldn't want to know anything or meet any of the men. I'm just the opposite. I want to know about the women and I'd LOVE to hear the details because it would turn me on. I would love to be able to share things with him as well, but he's not interested. What scares me most is what happens if something slips out or what if I want to take him to a restaurant that one of my guy friends told me about. I'm just really confused right now.

I'd love to open up the marriage, but I have to ask myself at what cost am I willing to do that?

I'm on The Other HNT

2008-10-16T00:29:00.002-05:00

OK, I just discovered this site late Wednesday night thanks to Southern Vixen. I submitted a pic and made it just under the wire. Care to guess which pic is me?

Yoga for Anal Sex, Who Knew?

2008-10-14T18:34:00.020-05:00

I took my first yoga class recently. It was VERY relaxing, but there was a surprisingly sexual moment during the class. I recently had anal sex for the first time. It was with my husband and though it felt good it was also painful despite the combination of alcohol, desensitizing cream and lubricant. Same for the second time. I have since given up on doing it with him because it hurts. Even his finger in my ass hurts - not sure why.
However, my FWB kinda snuck up and put his dick in my ass one day. I had always headed him off saying that it was just not possible because it would hurt too bad. This time when I felt the tip of his dick lingering around my ass I, of course, said the same thing. He insisted I at least give him a try. If it hurt, he'd stop. He proceeded to slowly and gently enter me. He talked me through it, telling how to position my body, when to breath, etc. And guess what? Before long he was all the way in - no alcohol, no cream, and very little lubricant outside of what already comes on the condom. I was amazed. I enjoyed the whole experience. I wished I could have run home and told my husband all about it because I would LOVE to do it with him, but since I wasn't supposed to be seeing my FWB at the time, that idea was out. So, for now, my friend is the only one who I let enter my ass.

Back to yoga class today, we ended up in the Child Pose. As I'm positioning myself and the instructor is guiding our breathing, I suddenly get this warm, excited sensation throughout my body and I realize I'm in the same position my FWB put me in! If only he was in town today. He would have gotten a surprise treat for lunch. Oh well...

Needless to say yoga has taken on a whole new meaning and I will definitely be assuming the child pose again, both in class and out.

When Three's a Crowd

2008-10-13T19:34:00.009-05:00

About a month ago, I meet a guy online and we hit it off instantly. We've seen each other in person 4 times but usually for no more than a few minutes at a time. Today was number 5. This time, we met for a strictly platonic reason and there was another person present which meant that we couldn't touch which was REALLY hard. What I really wanted was to throw the other person out of the room so the guy could pull off my jeans and panties and sit me on the table making me just the right height for him to sit in his chair and lick my pussy. Then I'd want him to grab my hair, turn me around, bend me over the table, and fuck me from behind. Alas, we were not alone so that could not happen, but a girl can dream, can't she?

Throbbing

2008-10-12T09:10:00.004-05:00

When I'm horny my pussy throbs. It's like it has it's own little heartbeat. It's kinda cool, but at the same time it's extremely frustrating. I REALLY need to fuck.

Horny Anyone?

2008-10-11T21:49:00.003-05:00

That person you see with her hand up jumping up and down...that's me. I'm home, so of course, I told my husband. He made some comment about really wanting to have a drink with me before having sex and went off to pour a glass of wine. That was 30 minutes ago. He hasn't been back yet. There's no way I can get any from anyone else tonight. I'm way too horny to self-serve. It would only frustrate me more. So, I guess I'll just go to bed...good night.

You Can't Handle the Truth

2008-10-11T17:51:00.004-05:00

People want to hear the truth. They want to know how you really feel. They beg for you to give it to them straight. That is until you open your mouth and say something they don't like. Then suddenly you're mean or hurtful or unsympathetic or...well, you get the point.

I'm probably one of the most honest people you'll ever met. If you ask me a question, I'm going to answer. This usually works except when I'm in a romantic and/or sexual relationship with the person. They may say they want the truth but what they really want is for you to agree with them or to at most give them a light version of the truth. This really angers me because it leaves me having to sugar-coat my feelings or disregarding them all together so as not to hurt the other persons feelings. It's as unfair to me as it is to the other person. I feel bad for lying or depressed because my feelings aren't being heard and the other person has a false sense of reality.

I don't really have a solution to this issue, but I will leave you with this...If you don't want the truth, don't ask the question.

When Did You Become a Girl?

2008-10-10T19:56:00.006-05:00

That may seem a strange question when you consider that I am female, have always been female and have no plans to not be female in the future. The question was asked by a male friend whom I've known for over two decades. It stemmed from me saying that I want to spend more time with my FWB (friend with benefits); that I wanted to go out for drinks once in a while and cuddle after sex. Now, that may sound like a perfectly normal request from someone of the female persuasion and it is. The reason it so shocked my friend was because I have always been a "hit it and go" kinda girl. I have been told on more than one occasion that I think like a guy. I see someone I think might be a good fuck, I fuck him or her, end of story. There really is no need for emotion for me. Thus, when I said to my friend (whom, if you haven't figured it out yet is the FWB) that I wanted to go out sometime and do something other than show up at his door, strip, fuck, and leave, he looked at me and asked, "When did you become a girl?" It floored me. I'm not sure if I've "become a girl" or if I'm developing some kind of feelings for my FWB beyond friendship or if I was just frustrated that day. I had been having problems with my husband that week. (Yes, I'm married. But we'll get to that another day.) My answer to him was that "I am a girl. I have always been a girl and on rare occasions I would like to be treated like a girl."

So, I start this blog today to sort out my girlness and my boyness and to just talk about life in general, like having a virtual therapist.